[Critique Group 1] As usual, late! Critiques 1/18/2016

DeAnna Noriega quieth2o at socket.net
Wed Jan 25 18:06:08 EST 2017


Cleora,

The Groove in the Ceiling

As usual, I would change a few tenses. The chemistry teacher said instead of
was saying.

I don't recognize the word "Woot" perhaps some other word here.

I would change "headed with a brisk walk" to "walked briskly. 

"Thoughts of "I should ask my Dad" I thought-"I should ask my Dad!"

I liked the scrambling to decide and wondering what Dad would think and how
to get it home. It was very real.

 

Mary Jo,

I thought this needed a better title. I liked the rhythm, pacing and whimsy.
No other suggestions.

 

Bonnie,

Angel died Saturday seemed to make the article immediate, but I thought it
happened quite a while ago.

Needs some updating work.

 

Marilyn

Where There is Smoke

Lots of well-done energy, panic and confusion.

No suggestions.

 

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