[Critique Group 1] November critiques

[DQ Noriega]

I just realized I never sent anyone my notes from November 29th critique
session!

I guess it is better late than never.

Sally,

October 2017

Thought provoking and well written.

I have no corrections or suggestions.

 

Mary Jo

On Second Thought

Is this a pprocrastination guide? (smile)

I am beginning to recognixze your light humor even about not feeling
physically up to meeting the day's challenges.

I enjoyed the poem and can offer no corrections.

 

Cleora

The story is interesting. There are a lot of details to work out. Is the
community within the walls self-sustaining? How are the bicycles and other
tools manufactured? The smelting of ore and production of metals would be
very difficult to accomplish without sight. The making of handtools would
even be difficult. Once they were made, then the working of wood to produce
other equipment might be possible. Perhaps the programming of 3D printers
could be done by a blind person, but they require feedstock material to use
to build up the objects the printers are designed to produce. Operating
machines to hsape and cut metal can be done by blind machinists as I know
several people who do this work, but somepone would have to make the
original machines and what happens when they wear out? Watchmaking would be
pretty difficult as the parts would have to be so small. I can understand
making large clocks, but a wristwatch would be impossible. Also, would blind
people need wristwatches? They don't need to limit their work to daylight
hours. 

 

Marcia

The first thing I found was a superfluous () in front of the word
(girlfriends)

I liked the line: spit-out like a watermelon seed.

Except that people were calling for Buddy, I wondered if he was a spirit
dog. An avatar for future guide dogs.

Buddy is the name given by Morris Frank, to the dog trained to guide him as
the first guide dog to guide a blind person in the United States.

I found the piece engaging.

DeAnna Noriega

a 

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