[Critique Group 2] Leonard's comments on Joan's sub

[Leonard Tuchyner]

This is one of the most enigmatic pieces you’vewritten.  But I’ll give it a try. 

Job is the biblical character who’s faith was tested.  

So maybe you went through a period of your life in which youwere hazy about your faith.  Theycouldn’t really see you for what you were, 

so they dumped you over the side of your canoe. 

In other words put you in a precarious condition.  

They watched a fish swallow you. 

In other words yu were in a  quandry.  

They thought you were hungry for a savior.  

They offered you solutions in terms of their point of view 

after they saw you weren’t buying it.  

They cramed your brain  with ideas, 

which confounded you. 

The ideas were like rocks in your head banging around. 

They  watched yourpain 

and saw the  solutionsthrough their own interpretation of what was causing it.  

You felt parralized . 

You likened their advice to fairy land. 

You tried to believe in their  suggestions 

and  you could notnavigate it.  

You  could only   get about in Disney’s land like apirouetting  bear, 

or walk blindly between wheel chairs. 

And Bang into walls. 

They meant well, 

but their ideology was foreign. 

Itdidn’t work for you. 

They thought they were trying to help you, 

but they were hurting you. 

They were the problem, not the solution. 

Their ideas were stripping you  of your soul down to the bare bones. 

They shut you up  onideas   

you had on your  own. 

They robbed you of your individuality. 

They did this thinking it was their duty . 

Once  they hadsucceeded in cleansing you of everything, 

you  heard the wake upcall.  

I think that they refers to Christianity , 

but I’m not sure. 

A lot of this mystery would be cleared up if youidentified  who they are..

 

Once

by Joan Myles

 

OnceI had friends like Job’s

whopeered at me through a tangle of seaweed

as Ipaddled along trailing the mist

theydumped me overboard for a lark

watchedthe big fish swallow me whole

thebig fish hungry for Jesus

andwhen he spit me out

likeBeethoven’s fifth they drained my spine 

untilI screamed at the rocks clattering inside my skull

 

once I had friends likeJob’s

Whomeasured my howling birdsong 

againsttheir own treasure of pain and pleasure 

Whowatched my dancing bear shadows

pirouetteat the edge of  Walt’s grass

theyobserved me paralyzed on the sofa

theyobserved me walking between wheelchairs

theyobserved me running flat into walls

theyobserved me chanting Juarroz to Heaven

 

onceI had friends like Job’s

weavinghoney webs between their teeth

asthey tracked mud through my Left Bank

theyshattered my bones with their affection

theycleansed my throat of individuality

theydeafened my silence and silenced my soul

theypurged my spirit of Spirit

amid the clamor of their glamor 

despite the beauty of their duty 

 

and once I was stripped  clean as iodine

once there was room again to breathe

I heard the cock crowing




 
 
Leonard I. Tuchyner, Author
 
https://www.dldbooks.com/tuchyner/

 
  
 
 

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