[Critique Group 2] Emailing: 1-27-22 Group-2 critiques

[James]

1-27-22 Group-2 critiques 

Leonard's piece:

This piece can be read at two levels. The first is of course as a
descriptive narrative of an exhilarating bicycle ride on a challenging
course. However it is also I believe a metaphor for the journey of life.
This seemed immediately apparent as I read it the first time. The tale
begins in the spring a time of birth or rebirth. As we grow up we leave the
"flatland" and take on the upward climb of building a special and unique
life through struggle, effort and learning the skills of attainment. I like
the idea that we reach the top and get to contemplate it, before undertaking
the effort filled downward race. I found myself hoping these words are
somehow foresighted and true: "speeding for miles before I stop. 
Free as the wind I fly down the road. 
The last ten miles no sweat at all." A comforting thought regarding how this
circus movie of the human life cycle might end. Also I love the use, in
perfect context of the word "umph." For me, this piece brought to mind Patti
Smith's illuminating and reassuring song "Grateful." 
***

Alice's piece:

Even though it is utilizing snowflakes as a vehicle, the poem conveys a warm
feel. I agree that the third verse might have some room for further
development. For one thing I read the following as contradictory: "But what
I feel, at last, is free--
Frozen to this spot in time--"If one is frozen to one spot, it is difficult
to recognize this as being free or resulting in a feeling of being so.
Perhaps the stanza might be reinvisioned without lines 7, 8 &9 with line 10
reconfigured as: the patient, solitary me released. Such would end the piece
on a hopeful and positive note. Just a thought. 
***

Valerie's piece: 

A very powerful and heartfelt piece. I just love this phrase: "I feel the
pain cavern behind your words" and the following seems to be at the core of
the poem: "understanding I can't change it,
fix it, so,
I will listen." I am sure that many want to, or have tried to "fix it." The
male gender is often sighted for this approach. Just two net by phone
things: the title was probably intended to have a space between its two
words. Also "fix I, so should probably be rendered as fix it, so. And though
one cannot "fix it" one can still genuinely hope for your finding some kind
of healing. 
***
Joan's piece:  

This is a very profound piece in my opinion. It speaks of things lost yet
somehow finding an unexpected way to still be: "after too much rain and so
little caring the garden gropes its way through fog" and "the silence
conspires even as it consoles me." And even as things are mostly lost there
is still: "one beam of light upon my hand." Even with all the losses, there
is hope.
  
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1-27-22 Group-2 critiques


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