[Critique Group 2] Emailing: 10-28-21

James jamesstarfire at gmail.com
Thu Oct 28 19:20:51 EDT 2021


Hey There Group-2,

I am sorry for the late notice but I am not feeling well and will not be
able to participate tonight. Below and attached are my critiques.   Catch
you all next month.

Best, Brad

*** 

10-28-21 Group-2

1. Alice's piece:

A very interesting piece with a convincing historical stage setting. The
sense of "other worldliness" is very effectively presented. However the
ending with the part about the horse doesn't in my opinion do this
compelling and most enjoyable story justice. 

2. Leonard's piece:

"If we persist in our denial, I doubt that anything will change. I, for one,
would rather have a true picture of the historical facts and struggle with
it, than to proceed with an ill-informed set of beliefs."
Well, many white people seem unable to admit the ugly truth. The fact is
that our country suffers from ingrained systemic racism. Just consider that
companies like Google and Apple have less than 2% black employees.
However to the piece! I too remember my first experience of black people. It
was characterized by the same innocent, nonjudgmental curiosity that Leonard
captures so well in this piece. We are not born with any prejudice, it is
learned. To quote the Beach Boys: "wouldn't it be nice" if we learned to
love one another instead?  This essay presents such an accurate picture of
the experience that many white folks have in their often infrequent
interactions with blacks.   The honest retelling of Leonard's personal
history re the race issue is refreshing and important. It is something that
badly needs to be heard!

3. Valerie's piece:

A disturbing piece chronicling profound loss. Another Valerie piece (9
lines) that is chilling in its brevity. 

4. Joan's piece: 

Not an easy piece to fully interpret. In the first two stanzas, there is a
beautifully descriptive sense of transcending from the physical self and
touching the divine force of life. Then we get into "Van Duzer" which I
Googled and found three references for, the most likely being, a vineyard
and viticultural area in Oregon home state of the author. The other two
references are to a jazz guitarist, Guy Van Duzer and a movie producer, Ryan
Van Duzer. Somehow the Van Duzer concept relates to something that appears
wonderful initially but ends badly. Nice alliteration in line 1. Some tasty
loose rhyming and the excellent line: "For stillness is a moment not a
place." Well it is certainly not a place. However in addition to it being a
moment, it is a state of zero motion. After all this I must admit that I am
at a loss!

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10-28-21


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