[Critique Group 2] Leonard's comments on Alice's poem

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

The poem  gives us lots ofimages to remind us of Summer. 

It is nice to read and allow the imagery  to flow past ourminds.  

You use a lot of other poetry tools like  alliteration and words that just go together.  

I’ve gone  down the lineto  give some idea of how you get thatpoetic flow.  

Then  I  stopped after I gave enough examples. 

 

 

 

 

 

poem by Alice Jane-Marie Massa

 

Zinniasbloom and remind me of my grandmother’s garden. 

Yellowmarigolds stand with perfect posture in porch planters.

 

Palliteration 

 

 

X marks thespot for hiding a summer treasure.

Willowguides me along the sidewalk of the shaded side of the street.

 

S  alliteration.

 

 

Velvetnights bring out the dancing light of fireflies.

 

I rhyme.

 

 

Under the summerMoon, find a midnight gardener.

Toes thatdipped into the cool water leave impressions in the moist sand.

 

 

Swim andstroke the water of a blue pool.

 

Salliteration 

 

Raise “OldGlory” into a warm and gentle breeze.

 

R sounds

 

 

Quiet the cicadaswith the closing of a window.

Pickle whatneeds to be pickled; preserve what needs to be preserved of summer.

Oars of acanoe stay only briefly idle to allow for our listening  to MotherNature.

NationalParks welcome vacationers.

Malted milkand other ice cream treats keep us cool.

Lakes withwater skiers and boaters are photographed.

Kitchensclos on the hottest days; outdoor grills open.

Journeysfar and journeys near bring forth new and relaxing vistas.

Indianaroads take us home to memories and friends.

Herbs--basil,rosemary, sage, and spearmint--add fragrance to my garden.

Gifts ofgardening are savoured and shared.

Familygathers around a picnic table or on the front porch.

Elegantgeraniums grace my container garden.

Drinks of lemonadeand iced mint tea await visitors.

Croquetwickets, posts, mallets, and wooden balls lie ready for players.

Bocce,badminton, and baseball offer more fun for the season.

All iswarmly well with our little part of the world:  let’s thoroughlyenjoy summer.

 

* * *

 

Summery, best wishes!

The poem  gives us lots ofimages to remind us of Summer. 

It is nice to read and allow the imagery  to flow past ourminds.  

You use a lot of other poetry tools like  alliteration and words that just go together.  

I’ve gone  down the lineto  give some idea of how you get thatpoetic flow.  

Then  I  stopped after I gave enough examples. 

 

 

 

 

 

poem by Alice Jane-Marie Massa

 

Zinniasbloom and remind me of my grandmother’s garden. 

Yellowmarigolds stand with perfect posture in porch planters.

 

Palliteration 

 

 

X marks thespot for hiding a summer treasure.

Willowguides me along the sidewalk of the shaded side of the street.

 

S  alliteration.

 

 

Velvetnights bring out the dancing light of fireflies.

 

I rhyme.

 

 

Under the summerMoon, find a midnight gardener.

Toes thatdipped into the cool water leave impressions in the moist sand.

 

 

Swim andstroke the water of a blue pool.

 

Salliteration 

 

Raise “OldGlory” into a warm and gentle breeze.

 

R sounds

 

 

Quiet the cicadaswith the closing of a window.

Pickle whatneeds to be pickled; preserve what needs to be preserved of summer.

Oars of acanoe stay only briefly idle to allow for our listening  to MotherNature.

NationalParks welcome vacationers.

Malted milkand other ice cream treats keep us cool.

Lakes withwater skiers and boaters are photographed.

Kitchensclos on the hottest days; outdoor grills open.

Journeysfar and journeys near bring forth new and relaxing vistas.

Indianaroads take us home to memories and friends.

Herbs--basil,rosemary, sage, and spearmint--add fragrance to my garden.

Gifts ofgardening are savoured and shared.

Familygathers around a picnic table or on the front porch.

Elegantgeraniums grace my container garden.

Drinks of lemonadeand iced mint tea await visitors.

Croquetwickets, posts, mallets, and wooden balls lie ready for players.

Bocce,badminton, and baseball offer more fun for the season.

All iswarmly well with our little part of the world:  let’s thoroughlyenjoy summer.

 

* * *

 

Summery, best wishes!

The poem  gives us lots ofimages to remind us of Summer. 

It is nice to read and allow the imagery  to flow past ourminds.  

You use a lot of other poetry tools like  alliteration and words that just go together.  

I’ve gone  down the lineto  give some idea of how you get thatpoetic flow.  

Then  I  stopped after I gave enough examples. 

 

 

 

 

 

poem by Alice Jane-Marie Massa

 

Zinniasbloom and remind me of my grandmother’s garden. 

Yellowmarigolds stand with perfect posture in porch planters.

 

Palliteration 

 

 

X marks thespot for hiding a summer treasure.

Willowguides me along the sidewalk of the shaded side of the street.

 

S  alliteration.

 

 

Velvetnights bring out the dancing light of fireflies.

 

I rhyme.

 

 

Under the summerMoon, find a midnight gardener.

Toes thatdipped into the cool water leave impressions in the moist sand.

 

 

Swim andstroke the water of a blue pool.

 

Salliteration 

 

Raise “OldGlory” into a warm and gentle breeze.

 

R sounds

 

 

Quiet the cicadaswith the closing of a window.

Pickle whatneeds to be pickled; preserve what needs to be preserved of summer.

Oars of acanoe stay only briefly idle to allow for our listening  to MotherNature.

NationalParks welcome vacationers.

Malted milkand other ice cream treats keep us cool.

Lakes withwater skiers and boaters are photographed.

Kitchensclos on the hottest days; outdoor grills open.

Journeysfar and journeys near bring forth new and relaxing vistas.

Indianaroads take us home to memories and friends.

Herbs--basil,rosemary, sage, and spearmint--add fragrance to my garden.

Gifts ofgardening are savoured and shared.

Familygathers around a picnic table or on the front porch.

Elegantgeraniums grace my container garden.

Drinks of lemonadeand iced mint tea await visitors.

Croquetwickets, posts, mallets, and wooden balls lie ready for players.

Bocce,badminton, and baseball offer more fun for the season.

All iswarmly well with our little part of the world:  let’s thoroughlyenjoy summer.

 

* * *

 

Summery, best wishes!
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