[Critique Group 2] Leonard's comments for Brad's piece

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

Great  poem.  It excels in readability. 

I  have  mention some of the reasons, or tools you useto make it sound poetic. 

But then I get down to the meaning. 

The meaning is a confusion  of how  you got to where you are and want  to be is missing.

Where to you go from here. 

Perhaps the answer is to listen. 

 

 

A Sense of Aging

C by Brad Corallo

Word count 121

 

Bourn upon the wings of years.

Finally make landfall.

 

Beautiful to  lines . 

The second one capitalizing on L sounds

 

In this unsuspected place; 

 

Sibilant sounds

 

neither dreamed of nor imagined. 

Inhabiting this life space 

 

Sibilant  sounds 

 

carved out, through 

will and circumstance. 

 

R sounds

 

It is strange here, 

familiar yet, still unmapped territories

like unseen pools of quick sand 

 

There are still unexpected missteps  you have to be careful of.

 

irregularly dot the foreground. 

The air does not nourish. 

Light and joy grow dim.

 

If  the air does notnourish  how does light and joy growthere.

 

As if 
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <https://bluegrasspals.com/pipermail/group2/attachments/20210731/3f451b51/attachment-0001.html>