[Critique Group 2] Leonard's comments on Alice's sub

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

The imagery is beautiful.  



I can see the gazebo standing in the middle of thefield, 



and all the landmarks in their present and childhoodform. 



I like the way you broach the issue of your own death 



by asking if you can go back home to a heaven ornot.  



Then, the description of your lhying in a coffin  makes me almost want  to die. Almost. 



What is a Shokan?




 


Alice sub for ApriSilver Dreams from a Gazebo



Does  silver refer to your age?




 


No matter what the stage of life,



dreams drift in and dreams drift out.



Dreams are dropped into a wishing well,



tossed with coins into a fountain.



Some dreams are dropped into a bucket




 


Does  bucketrefer to a bucket list 




 


while some are held like a pretty nosegay in aging hands.



Does  this meanheld  and savored?




 



 


My dream for once-upon-a-silver-time



is to return to my homeland,



the acreage my grandfather purchased in 1914.



the former field, now extended yard,



between my home and woods,



is the perfect place for a gazebo.



I will have it built



right where the sheep shed was.




 


Then, when I return to my Indiana,



my guide dog and I will sit



in the wooden gazebo, painted pastel pink,



look toward the east at the gob pile—



Godpile?



our Blanford Mountain, 



a gift from the old mining company.



How we will recall our adventures there!




 


Then, I will gaze to the west,



where the corn field or bean field was,



but I will smell the present pine of the evergreens.



I like that you bring the scent of pine  in here.




 


A glance back to the south



will remind me of the walks in the woods,



the tiny creek,



Morel mushrooms, fallen leaves--



like falling memories.



Fallen memories. Nice touch.




 


Finally, I will smile upon the northern expanse--



the view of the house



that was blessed as our home.




 


Was I once in a hometown Heaven,



or can I go back there?



Please send a little lamb to the gazebo.



A lamb to the gazebo?




 


**




 


When the passing comes,



You need not take my coffin to Sacred Heart Church,



Just let the coffin rest for a while



On the front porch



Parallel with the wooden swing.



Then, let the pallbearers carry my coffin to the pinkgazebo.



Let me lie in state in my home state.



The birds, deer, and memories standing wake



Will be sufficient visitors



As long as my nephew



Plays on his violin



“The Ashokan Farewell.”



What is an Ashokan




 


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