[Critique Group 2] Leonard's comments on Brad's piece for Sept.
tuchyner5 at aol.com
tuchyner5 at aol.com
Tue Nov 10 11:08:42 EST 2020
This is a great beginning to a much larger piece. Was it intended thatway? The language is very descriptiveand it held my attention. It leaves the reader with many questions, the way anintroductory chapter should. Now swe just wait for the characterdevelopment and the story to unfold.
Moonrise Over Belize
I wasn't planningon taking this vacation at all. It was one of those
impulsivedecisions for which I am far from being famous. My friend Calvin
and his familysort of talked me into it and my good buddy, Ryan was
delighted whenthe potential vacation idea was floated in his direction.
Since we would bestaying at a beach resort in distant Belize, we all felt
like we wereleaving Covid 19 behind as much as is possible these days.
We were fortunateto score a direct Delta flight and we all sprang for first
class seating. Soby the time we arrived at our resort, "Sun, Sand and
Peace" wewere all feeling no pain or concern. How little did we know then?
It so happenedtoward the end of our stay, that one lovely evening we
gathered with newfriends we had bonded with at the resort, and found are
selves allhanging on a heart breakingly beautiful tropical beach. Most of
us held tallglasses containing a multi-colored array of heavily fortified
Caribbeanbeverages. There was a small Rum distillery on premises which was
rightfullylocally beloved. The day was gradually fading into twilight.
Behind us, pathstransected the lush jungle flora. Reggae music, wafted from
the distantelegant beach cafe which was one of our favorite spots at the
resort.
Happy childrenwere splashing in the ocean, calling to each other and
batting around asoccer ball. Its picturesque arcing through the sky of
darkening eveningcaught my attention for a memorable few moments.
Suddenly, Hank,the buzz-cut verbose American tourist, who was gazing at the
horizon andfocusing his precision German optics declaimed "Not good! I see
what looks likeeight vessels heading toward this beach." As they grew
closer, all couldsee large bore guns mounted fore and aft on swivels . The
creased andbattered metallic hulls were of some color between green and
dirty grey. Eachcraft held at least 10 men dressed in cammo.
The beach becamemore and more deserted as the gunboats drew slowly closer.
"Here we goagain, get out of the water and come with me quickly" A dark
eyed, anxiousmother entreated her children loudly. Placing a calming hand
on my shoulder,Calvin opined: "could be a party,
could be a war.Well, we'll know soon enough. Let's go have a glass of wine.
Whatever'scoming, there's nowhere else to go."
"Hel, let'shave a bottle instead and it's my treat!" I said resignedly
thinking thatactually it might be my last treat in more ways than one. It
was animmediately sobering realization that just taking a vacation could
potentially alterone's life for the worst in ways never anticipated. One
suddenly realizesthat all our lives could go drastically south, as the
night deepens andbefore the moon fully rises over the beautiful welcoming
land of Belize.
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