[Critique Group 2] Leonard's comments on Brad's submission

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

Very pessimistic. 

 

It’s not that I don’t agree.  

But perhaps I have more hope than you do.  

I think  theunderlying forces that tend to be quieter  and more possitive will probably win out

.  But thepoem is very good. 

It conveys a mood which is real. 

It is effectively and poetically right on. 

 

 

Without a Star toSteer By 

C By Brad Corallo

 

Excellent title.  It conveys aimlessness.

Word count 114

 

The vague pathsof the current journey, 

seem to vanishand reappear, less defined

somehow diminished. 

 

Eccelent discription. Of trying to find the pathand stay on it. 

I’ve been on hikes like that. 

Backgrounds andsoundtracks, pulled out of tune.

Blue sky vistas,slowly decay

leaving noisomegrey oppressive atmospheres behind. 

Jingle jangleobtrusive voices

squawk fromradios and TVs.

Revealing truthas an unwinnable shell game.

Truth as a shell game is so good. 

 

The politics ofhatred and

the hatred ofpolitics.

The politics of hatred  I get. 

I’m not with you in the ‘hatred of politics

.” Believe it or not, there are some really goodpolicy makers.

 

A pursuitpopulated by opportunistic, grasping vermin. 

Leadership lost, 

Certainly the politicians in the most powerful ofpossitions are lost.  

The society that supports them is also lost. 

But they are not the only ones . 

There are also good people.

like afragmentary memory of youth.

And, as heavysighs release,

night rolls in.

obscuring theEarth with creeping pestilence.

Ug. That’s low down. It makes for a powerfulimage.  A little too powerfl.

What remains?

Hope, like amatch flaring in the darkness.  

I like that. Old on to that little bit ofhope.  A liottle longer, and a littlelonger. .

At least, for alittle longer. 

 

jamesstarfire at gmail.com  

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