[Critique Group 2] Leonard's comments on Joan

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

Beautiful.  




 



 


Kaddish



Great title. 



Though I doubt that many people will know the meaning. 



Interestingly, Alexa does know the meaning if you spellit for her.




 


1



Life is rhythm



The sea is life and has all of life’s attributes.  



It is not a metaphor for life.  



It is on a smaller scale than  the universal sea, 



yet it is no less. 



The rhythms are infinitely complex, 



and when one sits and focuses on the ocean, the rhythmsare obvious at some levels. 



Though we can only grasp part of the the complexity consciously. 




 


The sea in its way



I don’t think you need, “in its way..”  



The next line is more powerful if it starts with “TheSea.”




 



 


Dances in moonlight



Wild with motion



The urge to move



When I contemplate the sea and its urge to move, I get asudden feeling for the nature of the universe. 



Perhaps creation can be described as the urge to move.




 


The sea eases itself and all it brings



Forward then back



I think  thisdescribes a cycle or circle.  



The sea never brings you back to the exact samespot.  



It may seem to be the same spot, but it can’t be. 



The water mollecules are different. 



The sand crystals are different. 



The shape of the ground is different. 



The shape of the water is different.  



Everything has changed, just like people and their bodieschange  



even if they think they have been here before. 




 


To where Istand  watching



Where I chase thewind along the shore



Leave out ‘where’ in thisline.




 


And  drop downinto crystals of unformed glass



These last 3 lines exress freedom and the joy of life. 




 


The sea weaves ancient melodies



Past consciousnessinto my veins



And sweeps me intoits rhythm of life



To become my life



My comments on these last lines is, “All of the above.




 



 

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