[Critique Group 2] Emailing: Critiques for Group 2, 10-29-19

[James]

Critiques for Group 2, 10-29-19 

1. Joan's Piece:

A beautifully luminous piece in 3 parts. To over simplify: 1. begins the
repeating theme of rhythm through invocation of the sea, 2. takes the rhythm
concept into a prayer which is filled with light related imagery, 3. brings
it all into the rhythm of life and its cycles of birth and death, departure
and return etc. There is a poem by Allen Ginsberg with the same title
dedicated to his mother which is a prayer and grieving reminiscence
following her death. In this piece I am not clear on why this title and of
course a translation of the Hebrew words might reveal even more to my
understanding. 
***
2. Valerie's Piece:

Another short, powerful piece about the loss of your beloved. It beautifully
illustrates how we and our grief change over time. The line that ends the
piece is so perfect: "I will know you in the radiance of life uninhibited."
This is also what I hope and feel about my own lost loves. As always your
poems touch deeply.
***
3. Leonard's Piece: 

A powerful exploration of one's obligation to one's country. In the sixties,
brainwashed conformists used to say "America, love it, or leave it!" The USA
was built upon revolution i.e. opposing unfair and unacceptable mandates
from a greedy king and nation. We have the right to protest and make views
other than the status quo heard. The values of kindness, fairness, religious
freedom and basic human compassion are under attack in today's America. We
have a responsibility to proclaim same and try to change it. I love the last
line which seems to have 2 ways of reading it: "Truth and justice trumps
corruption." One could add a comma a capital T and an apostrophe and though
the meaning is changed it is still the truth. 
***
4. Alice's Piece:

A poem based on an interesting and whimsical concept that I hadn't heard
before. If I have this correctly, butterflies bring patience to us; overly
hyper humans from angels who provide it by painting spots on butterfly wings
for us to absorb through our hands. Maybe it is true as one rarely
encounters butterflies in people's cars at rush hour or on public
transportation. 
There are 13 "waiting for a" lines which, in my humble opinion, is a bit
excessive; hammering the point home hard,	 unlike a butterfly might.
The poem works well without the final stanza. Perhaps it could be retained
as an explanatory note or some other form of commentary.     
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Critiques for Group 2, 10-29-19


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