[Critique Group 2] Emailing: Critiques for 5-29-18 Group 2 session

[James]

Critiques for 5-29-18 Group 2 session

1. Valerie's piece:

>From innocence to experience. Memories seem to be interwoven with dreams.
Consequently the title may benefit from an adjustment. A powerful and
evocative piece. 

*** 

2. Alice's piece:

A conversational memoir of memory, achievement and respect from one writing
friend to another. Margolin is an interesting choice for reader. I would
have guessed one of the superior female readers such as Ann Hancock or Jill
Fox. Who can ever know for other writers, the ultimate voice in their heads
that speaks their words with sincerity, truth and power?

*** 

3. Leonard's piece: 

Nice use of alliteration at the beginning. An interesting rhythm created
from the word choice- "Swamping senses with relentless crescendos of endless
steel drum tympanic droning."  The build up of song beginning with one
cicada and expanding too many and perhaps other players is captured well. It
isn't easy to depict this very song of summer. But, Leonard came very close.


***

4. Abbie's piece:

Description of a day nicely caught in the rhythm of one thing moving into
another. "Tuesday will be better" though you're Monday doesn't sound too
bad. We have of course the suicide bombing but other than that.
Unfortunately there will be more bombings and more mass shootings on days to
come, as little seems to change for the better these days and it seems that
nothing is really done to prevent such. 
  
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Critiques for 5-29-18 Group 2 session


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