[Critique Group 2] Leonard's comments for Alice's piece

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

You have put forward a serious subject in a tongue in cheek, yet well considered manner.  The piece is both light and heavy. You ask questions that I have asked myself.  Great writing. Great job. I would like you to elucidate your last verse. 

Between Clinton,  Indiana's Mulberry Cafe

and the Rockville Packing Company building

was the Smith-Alsop Paint Store,

where,

when my dad was buying paint and/or brushes,

I thumbed through twenty-by-twenty-four-inch books

of wallpaper samples

in floral and geometric designs,

textured in various ways

to initiate

interior design dreams.

·        I like the descriptions of the wall paper, especially the feel of the paper. It brings back my own memories when I father use to wallpaper our house when I was a kid. He did the whole kit and caboodle.

[Stanza  

Five decades later,

I, once again

in the midst of wallpaper dreams,

wonder if I should wallpaper

one wall, one room,

or the small bathroom

with the poems

of my retirement years.

·        Are you really considering that? What an interesting idea. Are you talking metaphorically?   One problem is that when you wallpaper, you have to cut out pieces. Talk about editing.

[Stanza 3]

 

Surely, online, I should

be able to find

a "design-your-own-wallpaper" company

to whom I can send my poems.

Then, the company will send me

rolls of my poetry

so that someone with a straight-line concept

can decoratively paper my walls—

·        I dare you to do a Google search.

well, the walls of my small, mid-level bathroom

where house guests will be face-to-face

with my pasted poems—

·        This is hilarious. I can picture it in my mind. People are always looking for something to read when sitting on the John.   Talk about a captive audience.

flush against left margin,

sprinkled with coordinating art.

Guest readers will see

that these poems mirror my life:

as the house guests peer into the bathroom mirror,

more reflections of poetic creations

rush into view—

·        I’m not sure how this would work from a technical point of view.  The mirror would be reflecting the looker and the background behind him or her. But most of the poems would be blocked out. What they would see would be unintelligible, unless the reader had the unusual ability to read mirror writing.

an usual  way to read the poems on the back wall.

 

[Stanza 4]

 

Have I gone too far

with these wallpaper dreams?

You think the better placement

of my poems

is in a traditional book?

·        Now you are getting into serious stuff. In some ways, the value of what we do is dependent on who reads our work.  How many readers we have. How many readers do we really reach? the situation you have set up is either people reading what you have written in juxtaposition to flushing.  Or on the other hand, putting it in a traditional book and not having a personal connection to the readers.  I know this is an understatement of the complexity of the problem. But a serious question is there, and I think most writers have thought about this issue.

[Stanza 5]

 

Later, Leader Dog Willow recommends

photos of herself

for the design-your-own-wallpaper company.

Well, I do already have

towels with a Black-Lab motif.

·        If I were a dog, I don’t think I would be concerned. But who knows. On the other hand, I would want to get a lot of attention. As a dog I would prefer the bathroom option.

[Stanza 6]

 

We will creatively compromise:

two walls of poetry

and two walls of Willow,

who will transfer better in mirror image.

 

[Stanza 7]

 

Celebrating 68 years,

I happily and artistically

surmise an overview

of my dream-fresh life

in wallpapered

paws and poetry.

·        Please explain this verse.

July 19, 2018, Thursday

 
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