[Critique Group 2] My Feedback on Tonight's Pieces

[Abbie Taylor]

Leonard, I don't think you need to make the poem shorter. You're 
expressing emotions related to your eminent discharge. Your readers 
should be just as much in limbo as you were during that time.

As for the dialog, the only thing that confused me was Swanson. I'm 
assuming she was your doctor, but maybe that needs to be clarified.

Valerie, I like the mystery in this poem. It's not clear who you're 
talking to, your favorite singer, your lover. Maybe that's not a bad thing.

Brad, this is interesting. It leaves the reader wondering if she'll go 
through with it. I think there needs to be more, though. Who are the 
two characters talking about her after the curtain falls? Does she work 
up the courage to end it all, or does a miracle occur that changes her 
life for the better?

Alice, I couldn’t understand why you have "ten little fingers and ten 
little toes" is italicized. I think your repetition of the line is 
effective but am not sure the italics are necessary. Otherwise, I like 
the way you portray your feelings about your nephew's second 
deployment. You're in my thoughts.

-- 
Abbie Johnson Taylor, Author http://abbiescorner.wordpress.com
http://www.abbiejohnsontaylor.com
abbie at mysero.net
Order my new memoir at http://www.abbiejohnsontaylor.com/memoir.htm