[Critique Group 2] critiques 7-26-16

[James]

Critiques for 7-26-16

 

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Reunited critique 

 

I thought this story was very good as it gave a realistic and believable
sense of 2 people who were attracted to each other in high school, meeting
again after many years. The dialogue was good without too much "he said, she
said." The ending could be improved if Heather was gone as well as Ryan's
pants not to mention possibly the rest of his clothes. This would leave the
possibilities of blackmail, a cruel practical joke etc to ponder. I don't
understand it with her there. Since he was drunk, he could have put his
pants anywhere in the room even possibly kicking them under the bed
unintentionally. Heather being gone (perhaps leaving a lingering scent of
perfume) would really give it interesting unanswered questions and a genuine
reason for Ryan in all his discomfort, to regret his mistake.

 

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Little light critique

 

Paragraph 5 lines 2& 4: lavendar, change to lavender (e r)

Paragraph 6 line six: consider removing- her

Some very good images e.g: "led and bronze metallic burial case"

Sad and arresting poem. I am assuming that this is a true story.

 

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Velvet critique

 

In line 7 "pad the poetic path" beginning of good alitteration and sort of
double meaning: pad as in dog walking or pad the poetic path as in writing
pad.

Paragraph 2: "double block" as in a street to walk or as "writer's block"

Interesting concept of: unfolding dusk as writing desk 

Very nice confluence and resolution in last 4 lines.

 

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Babes critique 

 

A thorough picture painted of "Babes" in terms of appearance, personality,
and individual quirks. Good starting with not specifying what "Babes"
actually is; then using the rest of the piece to describe her. At end tying
together characteristics of Babes and her mistress, is nice touch. 

 

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Still strong enough critique 

 

Paragraph 1 line 3: I show the way on old worn knees--I wondered why you
were walking on your knees. I ultimately got it but the line creates an
initially confusing picture for me. Also last line of paragraph 1: since
last I sat with rod and reel.

And first line of paragraph 2: The ancient wood is black and cracked,--I
thought was referring to the fishing rod but again ultimately got it. 

I very much liked the elderly narrator and the aging wharf as analogies for
each other. Also the idea that the prospectives of different people can be
totally different due to memory and perception.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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