[Critique Group 2] Leonards critique notes for Alice

[Tuchyner5 at aol.com]

The use of the word velvet is intriguing and challenges  my imagination. 
The author has made it a central theme.  That means I have to have an  
understanding of what velvet is in this poem. That puts a lot of importance on  the 
title. It created a cognitive dissonance for me initially, because for me  
velvet is not what I would want to be wearing in the hot, sweaty summer. The 
 soft, fuzzy fabric on one side traps heat. On the other hand, I get the 
silky  side of velvet and my favorite pajamas are silk and I love that feeling 
and the  lightness which goes with them. One good thing about this 
reaction, is that it  demands that I pay attention to discover what  
Velvet means in this  poem. 
3  (line) I begin to get the picture here. Velvet does cushion. so now I’m 
thinking  cozy and protective. 
4  (line) It’s verified. It is protective. That softness  is a strong 
tactile sensation that is  strong enough to overcome  bad  memories., which 
include the cold of winter. warmth is a good thing in this  context. 
6  great use of alliteration.  
7  ditto  Also it takes the reader into  the poet’s writing process, which 
includes her inspiration from the sensations  from nature that surrounds 
her.  
8  this line is beautiful. It demonstrates the meaning of  onomatopoeia. 
9  more alliteration and internal rhyme.  I would leave out ‘the’. 
10 I think you can do better than ‘a natural’. Maybe  ‘living’. 
11 I love the use of ‘unfolds’ because it completes the  metaphor of the 
night as something like parchment upon which one can write.   
14 Clever example again of analogy or metaphore. I can  never tell the 
difference.. 
29 (line) this is a little confusing. Is the writer away  from home because 
she is on walk, or has she moved away?   
30 In any case, the cooing makes her feel at home in a  many faceted way. 
She feels things returning to normal. Her relationship with  her guide dog is 
developing into a velvety comfort. Just like old  times. 
The remaining lines solidify what I’ve said in my last  comment. 
In the second paragraph, there is more history, some of  it implied about 
the writer working to transfer the trust she had with her last  leader dog 
and her predecessors. In the past she could just forget about making  sure her 
guide was not in need of her concentration. She could trust that the  
psychic bond they held for each other could be relied upon to bring anything  
requiring attention from the human would automatically become conscious.  That 
would leave the writer free to  write, her senses and thoughts fully 
immersed in her  canvas. 
There is a brief mention of the writer’s father. She  wants to feel his 
approval of how she is doing. She is also extending her self  identity to 
include willow. That is a work in progress, but good progress is  being made. She 
still looks toward her father for that validation and  encouragement.  
I  think this piece can definitely stand on its own. One of the things I 
would want  to find out more about is the writer’s relationship with her 
father, who is in  some ways still present.  The poem  mentions past leader dogs 
in her life. By itself, it doesn’t tell much about  those relationships, and 
I would want to know about them. But it is not  necessary in this poem. The 
reader will want this void to be filled.  That’s a good  thing. 
I  love the poem. 
Velvet Nights of Summer with Leader Dog  Willow 


by Alice Jane-Marie  Massa 
1 Oh, the velvet nights of summer! 
2 I happily embrace 
3 nights when the velvet air of July 
3 cushions my face 
4 from the memories of the past winter, 
5 nights when the velvet clouds 
6 pad the poetic path 
7 on which I walk and write, 
8 nights when velvet winds 
9 stretch from the succumbing sun to the dusk 
10 which unfolds into a natural desk 
11 on which I can creatively write 
12 as my guide dog Willow leads the way. 
13 On this velvet evening,  
14 a double block drifts into a "Writer's  Block," 
15 then a span of back to total concentration on work  with Willow. 
16 At the next double block, 
17 along Juneau, 
18 I hear the mourning dove-- 
19 also for the first time 
20 since returning home 
21 with my new Leader Dog. 
22 On the day after the anniversary of my Dad's 103rd  birthday, 
23 is he nodding his approval 
24 of my Wordwalks with Willow, 
25 of my Willow? 
26 My fourth Leader Dog and I walk  
27 toward the distant cooing 
28 of the uncommon mourning dove-- 
29 more typical in the trees around my Hoosier  home. 
30 What a gift is this velvet night 
31 on the 12th of July, 
32 when  I  come to the crossroads 
33 where the mourning dove, my writing, and my  willow 
34 meet! 
July 13, 2016, Wednesday 



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