[Critique Group 1] Leonard's comments on Cleora's piece

[leonard tuchyner]

This is decidedly improved.

So the infection is really a curse.

But there are so many unknowns

that she can’t predict the results of giving back the card.

So, the only thing for her to do is the right thing

and then see what the results are over time.

One thing that doesn’t make sense is that

the card is not attatched to any bankd or place of origin.

That make’s Audry a suspicious character.



She has the power to cast a spell.

I wonder if she is a magical creature of some sort.

Was she blind from birth?





Cleora sub for Aug 23





1361 words

Dilemma

by sly duck



Cleatta arrived at the hotel early so she would have time to explore
and become familiar with the territory. Fortunately, she had been able
to get a room at the same hotel where the convention was being held.



Maybe I'll lose the card here, she thought wistfully. The old man she
got the card from might even be here. No, no, she reconsidered, he
wouldn't be. He could see by now. Her friend Rachael came along in
case of emergency since Cleatta wasn't up to speed using the white
cane. She had the connecting room. This would encourage Cleatta to try
to do things on her own instead of calling out for someone to do
everything for her.



Taking the card out of her wallet, she ran her fingers over the
outline of the dolphin. The animal part was warm and had a leathery
feel to it. It was Like the creature was alive. She laid the card on
the dresser hopeful that the maid or someone would take it.



After unpacking she went next door to get Rachael and they went down
to register for the convention.



Back in the room, they looked over the agenda, marked the sessions
that interested them, then went down to the hotel restaurant for
dinner. Cleatta didn't take the card since she knew she could just
charge their meals to the room. She was disappointed afterward when
she got back to the room and the card was still there. Well, there was
still tomorrow.



They rose early and went down for breakfast before going to the
convention. Between meetings, they walked around the floor examining
the tech gadgets vendors were there to demonstrate.



Seeing the two girls leave, Yolonda decided to go ahead and put fresh
towels in their rooms. She entered Cleatta's room first. She made the
bed, and gathered the used linens from the bathroom. On her way out
the dolphin card on the dresser caught her eye. Her friend Audrey used
to have a card like that. She picked it up to see if it was from the
same bank. Nothing on the front. Nothing on the back either. On closer
examination, she noticed there was a four digit number that might be
the PIN, but there was no expiration date or security code. Plus, the
front of the card felt warm. She looked closely at the card number. It
seemed familiar. It had been a long time, but she had a good memory
for numbers and she was sure the digits were close to the same as her
friends card that had been stolen by a robber several years ago. Her
friend was blind and Yolanda had helped her work with the credit card
company and police to get it reported as stolen and replaced.



She pulled out her phone and tapped her friends name.



“Hello,” said Audrey.



“Do you still have the number of that card? The one that was stolen?”



“Maybe. That was a long time ago. The card company replaced it, but
the number is probably in some old notes. Why?”



Yolanda explained what she had found. “I think one of the conference
attendees may have your old card.”



“Hmm,” said Audrey, “What is the number? I'll do a search and see what
comes up.”



Yolanda read off the number, and Audrey typed it into her computer.
Sure enough, there was a match.



Next, Yolanda called the front desk, “Jason, can you tell me what card
this room is using?”



“I just have the last four digits,” he said. He read them off. They
were the same. This attendee was using Audrey's old card. But how
could that be? The police and the bank said there was no record of the
card ever being used after it was taken. The perp had never been
caught.



Yolanda called Audrey back, “This is really strange. I called the
front desk. The last four digits match this card. But, how can that
be. The police said the card was never used, and I can't find the
issuing bank on it anywhere.”



Cleatta and Rachael returned to her room late. It had been a long day.
The first thing Cleatta checked was if the card was missing.

Her hopes evaporated. The card was still on the dresser. She had heard
that some cleaning crews made copies of cards to max them out. Had the
maid taken it and made a copy? Wouldn't it have stayed with them? The
old man had known when she took it. She picked it up and put it back
in her wallet. They decided to eat at a little restaurant across from
the hotel. They would start home tomorrow after attending the dog
session. She might as well go ahead and use the card tonight. She
would leave it in the room again tomorrow just in case.



While They sat at the bar waiting for a table. A woman with a service
dog came up and sat on the stool on Cleatta’s left.



“Are you here for the convention?” the stranger asked.



“Yes,” said Cleatta. “We're going to attend the dog session tomorrow,
then go home.”



The bar tender brought their drinks, and Cleatta offered him her card.



“I don't think I've ever seen a card with a dolphin, on it,” said the
bartender. “That's special.”



“Yes,” said Cleatta dryly. “You have no idea.”



“You have a card with a dolphin on it?” asked the woman.



“Yes,” said Cleatta.



“I used to have a card with a dolphin on it years ago," said the
woman. "It was stolen. “



Cleatta felt a chill. “Stolen?” she asked weakly.



“Yes, a burglar broke into my house at night. I didn't have any money,
Only the card. He demanded I give it to him and tell him the PIN. He
knew I was blind, and couldn’t identify him, so he just took the card
and left. I was angry. I told him I hoped he learned what it was like
to have a disability and have people take advantage of him. He laughed
at me. My name is Audrey Isaacson, by the way. My friends call me AI.
Are you staying in the hotel?”



“Yes,” said Cleatta.



“Room 227 by any chance?”



“Yes,”



“I'm not sure, but I think you have my card that was stolen,” said
Audrey. Then, she preceded to tell Cleatta what she and Yolanda had
discussed.



Cleatta didn't know what to do. She sat quietly for a while and then
broke down. Between choking sobs, she told her story about taking the
card from the old man. How she gradually lost her sight, and now, she
appeared to be ageing prematurely.



“If you want, you can give it back to me. Since it was my card to
start with, I think you will no longer be infected,” offered Audrey.



“What about the side effects,” Cleatta wanted to know.



“I don't know,” said Audrey. “I was angry when I cursed the card. I
wanted the thief to know what it was like to be blind and have people
take advantage. It seems that when the person is ready to give up the
card, the curse transfers to the new thief. Since it was my card to
begin with, and I'm already blind, I have no idea what will happen.
You could continue to use the card until someone steals it. You know
what happens in that case.”



Cleatta considered her situation. She would still be blind. Now, her
only source of living expenses was the card. Her disability wasn't
enough to live on, her family couldn't take her in, and she had no
skills that she could use to get a job while she waited to see if her
vision would get better. Would the money she had accumulated and
invested still be there, or would it disappear?



“You can think about it,” said Audrey. “I'll be making the guide dog
presentation tomorrow. If you decide to give it back, bring it and the
cane to the presentation. The choice is yours.” Then, Audrey left
before Cleatta could ask any more questions.