[Critique Group 1] DeAnna's Critiques for 5/31/23

[Deanna Noriega]

53123 Critiques

 

Marcia,

Sweet and appropriate for your school's newsletter. I can find nothing I
would change or suggest. Your writing is concise, contains a touch of humor
and flows well.

 

Leonard,

Any Change Means Disaster

At the end of the second stanza, there needs to be a question mark after the
word (befall.)

In the last stanza, there is a space between the word (effect) and the
period at the end of the sentence.

I am not sure of any revisions or suggestions other than some of the lines
scan as awkward, but the poem  lines work.

  

Sally,

May 13

Thank you, the poem brought tears to my eyes, since this is the path I am
currently walking. Your gentle touch handled the gradual diminishing of a
loved one's nature with increasing disability. The last stanza brought
comfort to my sadness. I too promised and am doing my best to honor that
promise.

 

Cleora

Passing it forward?

This is a good second chapter to your first story about the mugger
assaulting the blind girl in the park. 

There are some punctuation and unnecessary words, but I know Marcia will do
a better job of spotting them than I could. 

You misspelled through spelling it (thru).

You have a wrong word, (sense) which should be (since), before she couldn't
return it,

Are you going to write more of these? I ask because in the first one I
didn't think the mugger was old. Maybe I am not remembering the details
clearly though. I mentioned your story to my husband and he thought the idea
was clever. 

 

 

 

DeAnna Quietwater Noriega

Cell: 573-544-3511

Email:  <mailto:dqnoriega at gmail.com> dqnoriega at gmail.com

Author of Fifty Years of Walking with Friends

https://www.dldbooks.com/dqnoriega/

 

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