[Critique Group 1] Leonard's comments on Cleora's sub

[leonard tuchyner]

Pretty good job.

I think you had a little too much detail when you described the exhibits.

But I think your doing better on sticking to the story.

You’ve introduced a lot more rules and  characters.

It will be interesting to see were this goes.

She seems to lack the ability to just do what is right.

At least she’s conflicted about it.

This is her major problem.

You seem to be suggesting this factor

by  way of the original words of the original owner.

The word AI is interesting.

I indicates that there may be a technical solution to the issues.





Undone

by sly duck



Cleatta arrived at the hotel well ahead of time so she would have time
to explore and become familiar with the territory. Fortunately, she
had been able to get a room at the same hotel where the convention was
being held.



Maybe I'll lose the card here, she thought wistfully. The old man she
got the card from might even be here. No, no, she reconsidered, he
wouldn't be. He could see by now. Her friend Rachael had come along as
a sighted guide, and was staying in the connecting room. The idea was
for Cleatta to gain confidence in getting around and doing things
herself. Rachael was just there for moral support and in case of
emergency.



Taking the card out of her wallet, she ran her fingers over the
outline of the dolphin. The animal part was warm and had a leathery
feel to it. It was Like the creature was alive. She laid the card on
the dresser hopeful that the maid or someone would take it.



After unpacking she went next door to get Rachael and they went down
to register for the convention.



They looked over the agenda and decided to attend the Guide dog,
Braille literacy, and adaptive technology sessions. Between meetings,
they walked around the floor examining the tech gadgets vendors were
there to sell. One was a device that fit on eye glasses. It was pretty
amazing. It could read text and even recognize people. The glasses it
fit on felt ugly. They were like the old horn rim glasses Cleatta's
grandmother used to wear. The device was really expensive and she
didn’t think she would feel comfortable wearing it. Besides, if she
could unload the card here, maybe she would be able to see again soon.
They skipped the magnifiers. There were a few things, like the voice
dialer and OCR scanner that could read a printed page and even save it
as a document that could be read with a screen reader. That might be
useful even if she got so she could see again. Cleatta signed up to
receive a free Voice dialer and currency reader from the government.
They skipped the booths for the different screen readers since the
blind organization had already given Cleatta one.



A strange thing happened at the voice dialer exhibit. A person walked
up to Cleatta and whispered, “you are infected. Look for AI.”



Cleatta had nudged Rachael but Rachael said she didn't see anyone that
might have been the one that spoke to Cleatta.



While they were away, the maid arrived to clean. Seeing the card on
the dresser, she pulled out her phone and took a picture of both
sides. Then, she sent a message, When the secret knock came, she
quickly opened the door and handed the phone to her partner Jason.



Back at his office, Jason gasped when he looked at the photos. Picking
up his own phone, he told it to call Audrey.



“Hello,” said Audrey.



“Do you still have the number of that card?” he asked.



“You mean the one that was stolen?”



“Yes.”



“Maybe. That was a long time ago. The card company replaced it, but
the number may be in some old records. I'll check.” An hour later she
called him back. She had the screen reader read the number off to him
four digits at a time.



“That's it!” Jason exclaimed. “You aren't going to believe this. A
person here for the convention has your old card.”



Cleatta and Rachael returned to her room late. It had been a long day.
The first thing Cleatta checked was if the card was missing. Her hopes
evaporated. The card was still on the dresser. She had heard that some
cleaning crews made copies of cards to max them out. Had the maid
taken it and made a copy? Wouldn't it have stayed with them? The old
man had known when she took it. Except for the strange message, there
was no indication anyone else knew the card existed. She picked it up
and put it back in her wallet. They decided to eat at a little
restaurant across from the hotel. They would start home tomorrow after
attending the dog session. She might as well go ahead and use the card
tonight. She would leave it in the room again tomorrow just in case.



While They sat at the bar waiting for a table. A woman with a service
dog came up and sat on the stool on Cleatta’s left.



“Are you here for the convention?” the stranger asked.



“Yes,” said Cleatta. “We're going to attend the dog session tomorrow,
then go home.”



The bar tender brought their drinks, and Cleatta offered him her card.



“I don't think I've ever seen a card with a dolphin, on it,” said the
bartender. “That's special.”



“Yes,” said Cleatta dryly. “You have no idea.”



“You have a card with a dolphin on it?” asked the woman.



“Yes,” said Cleatta.



“I used to have a card with a dolphin on it years ago. It was stolen.



Cleatta felt a chill. “Stolen?” she asked weekly.



“Yes, A burglar broke into my house at night. I didn't have any money.
Only the card. He demanded I give it to him and tell him the PIN. He
knew I was blind, and couldn’t identify him, so he just took the card
and left. I was angry and told him I hoped he learned what it was like
to have a disability and have people take advantage of him. He laughed
at me. My name is Audrey Isaacson, by the way. My friends call me AI.”



Cleatta remembered what the person had whispered in her ear earlier.
Was this the AI she was supposed to find?



“I think you have my card now,” said Audrey.



Cleatta didn't know what to do.



“If you want, you can give it back to me, and then you will no longer
be infected.”



“What about my blindness and I think I'm aging prematurely as well.”



“That will all go back to normal. But, it will happen as you learn
more about what it is like to be blind and have people take advantage
of you. Or, you can continue to use the card until someone steals it
from you.”



Cleatta considered her situation. She would still be blind. Now, her
only source of living expenses was the card. Her disability wasn't
enough to live on, her family couldn't take her in, and she had no
skills that she could use to get a job while she waited for her vision
to get better. Would the money she had accumulated and invested still
be there, or would it disappear?



“You can think about it,” said Audrey. “I'll be making the guide dog
presentation tomorrow. If you decide to give it back, bring it and the
cane to the presentation. The choice is yours.”



As quickly as she came, the woman disappeared before Cleatta could ask
any more questions.