[Critique Group 1] DeAnnas critiques for 8-28-23 session

[Deanna Noriega]

Sally,

TRAINING WHEELS

Lovely imagery, another Sally original snapshot of a precious moment in
time. I always am touched and moved by your talent of painting living
pictures in a handful of words.

 

 
Cleora,

Transformed 

I really loved this ending. I think you should offer it for publication as a
short story or novella. It is the perfect way to bring this set of stories
to a conclusion. You couldn't have carried the series on much longer. This
is really good.

 

Marcia,

I believe that when a child born, the umbilical cord may be physically cut,
but spiritually, it just stretches. When my lovely 17-year-old daughter
became pregnant and wanted to marry the father of her child, I made her wait
until she turned 18 and gave her the wedding she wanted even though I was
appalled. She was so bright, had been accepted in to a good college, was
beautiful and I felt she was too young. Sixteen months later she had a
second child. Two and a half years after that her youngest was born. Her
husband drank, gambled, couldn't manage money or provide a safe place for
them to live. He was arrested and charged with the assault of a young girl.
He was found not guilty, but by then was accused of assaulting other girls.
He is still in prison. Sometimes, the only thing we can do is continue to
love our children even if their choices don't work out as they or we hoped.
She has been married now for two years and seems to be happy, her youngest
is 21 and her oldest has given her three grandsons. As Kahlil Gibran says,
we are the bows, and they are the arrows. We launch them into the world but
can't control where their flight will take them. Love and pride in our
children still remain.

 

Leonard,

King Crab

The first sentence either needs the word (A) before campground, or adding an
(S) to campground to make it campgrounds.

Aren't crabs (arthropods?) I think that tetra pods are four footed
generally.

 

You have two uses of seem in this sentence: He didn't seem frightened as
most captured crabs seemed to be. If you change one of them to (appear,)
that would work.

 

His huge claw may have falsely bolstered his confidence.(needs an S since
crabs have two claws. 

I believed he had every right to (do,) change to (be)

 

Humorous piece. Of course if he really believed what he said, he would have
himself tossed overboard to serve as food for the fishes.

 

 

 

DeAnna Quietwater Noriega

Cell: 573-544-3511

Email:  <mailto:dqnoriega at gmail.com> dqnoriega at gmail.com

Author of Fifty Years of Walking with Friends

https://www.dldbooks.com/dqnoriega/

 

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