[Critique Group 1] cleora's june notes

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

Leonard
Didn’t know they duck crabs into boiling water alive to cook them
Do they also process them by fasting them 2 or 3 days to eliminate refuse?
I think the article an is needed in front of campground
Never mind about the comment about the camera. I misread camper to be camera
I would take out the word the in front of the mid-chest level
He didn’t act frightened instead of seemed
As most crabs typically are instead of seemed the second time
I've seen smaller crabs, but never a king crab
it seems that this king crab is larger than even a regular king crab
perhaps instead of referring to him as a large crab, use these as a chance to describe him.
things like
how much would you guess he weighs?
how long is the claw?
you really don't trust this crab.
I might point out, that if he meant you harm, he had plenty of time to remove your toes when you approached
my copy had all the sentences run together in one big paragraph
there is one quote short
word wanted to make tetrapods 2 words
misspelling seen should be seem
Sally
It is fine as it is.
It says all it needs to say.
I love the part about the cheering father.
Reading about times others spent with their parents reveals to me I missed out on a lot when I was a child
I would keep this one and if you want to, you would write a story to flesh out some of the areas you talked about.
marsha
I didn't follow all of it.
I agree with the love this person. Not so much with the acceptance of their lifestyle, but as long as they know the consequences.
I struggled to understand the fought with the men and the police were called.
I read it again today, and I think I understand, but I think that part is a little vague.
DeAnna
There were a lot of extra lines in the piece I received. I think it is probably the email program.
An emotional, sad piece.
My heart reaches out to you.