[Critique Group 1] january notes

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

Marsha
something is needed on the second sentence. It doesn't seem complete to me.
maybe Warm weather and the Memorial weekend
or Warm weather. Memorial weekend.
Her neck was clamped in the crook of an elbow.
Maybe more active
A strong arm clamped her neck in the crook of an elbow.
The description of Doe Lake main street is much like the description of the small town I grew up near. The businesses are different but the description is similar.
Could the diner have once been the local saloon?
I like the reference to JAWS as the feature at the movie house.
I remember how up town we felt when The Sound of Music came to our town. We even had to pay the $6 instead of the milk carton top to get in to see it.
Smoking adds to the determination for independence from an unhappy family life.
I would think the deer would have already bled out before being strapped to the car. Just what I've heard, of course, but the hunters I know slit the animals throat as soon as they shoot it and hang it up to bleed out.
I can accept some flood dripping onto the side of the vehicle.
Claudia is new to the small town, so probably wouldn't think that children of families that hunt not being too upset by the dead deer.
I don't understand this
“Yes?” I asked the first compelling question of my career.
I think Hank should also be wearing a uniform to identify him as an officer.
I like Hank for officer Braun
I think Hank is a little amused by the new comer to town.
I like this new Hank.
DeAnna
walk briskly below them to keep warm
sounds like you are trying to walk below the geese to keep warm
I had to look up paean
I found eulogy or memorial? which didn't seem to fit
Leonard
A heartwarming and tragic story beginning.
I can't buy the idea of Ginger being strangled by the collar. Did it show signs of being chewed? I would think it would break first. Still what else?
I can't accept the collar being undamaged if cloey got tangled in it.
A bite from a snake or bee sting? Did Chloe attack an assailant of some kind?
Still that is what you decided at the time, so no reason to change the story.
Sally
there wasn't a space between twilight & with in the version I got
I can envision you sitting by the window with TAMSIN in your lap waiting for time to go to bed.
Or, perhaps waiting for the final darkness.
You've lost so much over the last few years.