[Critique Group 1] cleora's february notes

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

Leonard
everything is confused these days
i like the line
They say not so fast. Winter is not past.
it would be more fun if there were more lines like this
I didn't see anything to change.
Sally
It's not fair that we pretty much stay the same emotionally and mentally, but the body falls apart.
I knew a woman that had had 17 or more surgeries.
She said that even when she was young, it takes about a year to fully recover.
At least you can be well in your dreams.
the copy I got had several blank lines between the 1st and 2nd and 2nd & 3rd lines
should there be a comma after slumber in the 2nd line?
As always, a very good and concise piece.
Marsha
tried to tell maybe convince herself
is tried one of those fluffy words?
The words for the skiing had me thinking of a runner. sprint etc
if I can keep it in my mind she is skiing, it's ok, but the words make me think of a runner.
I'm thinking the reader still knows after your rearrangements the perfume Claudia smelled was from when Veronica hugged Hank after asking him to help.
an open quote is needed at What's to explain?"
I like the description of the little scuffle in the snow.
I'm wondering, wouldn't they feel melting snow soaking into their close?
Like Claudia felt the chill of wet snow seeping through her jacket.
I like the natural dialog.
And now the Hawk has gone to the top of my suspect list.
DeAnna
Thought provoking
Nice conclution
It is more than writing wisdom. It is sortof a pattern for life.
Leonard