[Critique Group 1] April 26th 2023 Critiques from DeAnna

[Deanna Noriega]

April 26th Critiques 2023

 

Sally:

 

GRETA

Another word photo of a moment in time. This poem is succinct and yet
complete. I have no suggestions for changes.

 

Leonard,

 

What to Do 

Enfeeble perhaps should be enfeebled if used as an adjective to describe
your mind.

(I confided with a co- sorter) confided in a co-sorter. 

(The question hit me like a ton of lights) Does light have weight? Perhaps
like a blinding light? You could also use supernova to describe an
overwhelming degree of illumination.

 

Cleora

Help Still Needed

Needs some cleanup. Cut out unnecessary words. For example, (most) isn't
necessary before the word (likely.)

Develop doesn't have an E at the end.

Form should be forms.

(may likely have no idea what the job is really like.) perhaps what the job
requires, (entails, includes?) or you could eliminate the word (likely.

You need a word such as (They) before the word (may.) Likely is unnecessary.

 

Marcia

 

Down to the Wire

Well crafted, the roles become reversed as our parents age. At the end,
adult children do their best to make wise decisions out of love and concern.
We all do what we feel is right and hope for the best outcome. Your parents
did their best to raise children in a time different from the one in which
they were raised. They did their flawed best with good intentions. We do our
best to forgive past mistakes on their part and our own. You handled this
topic with a light humorous touch despite the nature of the situation.

Good article.

 

 

DeAnna Quietwater Noriega

Cell: 573-544-3511

Email:  <mailto:dqnoriega at gmail.com> dqnoriega at gmail.com

Author of Fifty Years of Walking with Friends

https://www.dldbooks.com/dqnoriega/

 

-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <https://bluegrasspals.com/pipermail/group1/attachments/20230428/60e27e66/attachment.htm>