[Critique Group 1] DeAnna's September 2022 critiques

[Deanna Noriega]

Leonard,

Dogs and Water

Charming stories about unique dogs. 

The first sentence doesn't work unless you change it a bit. (April was the
only dog who would rather have swum than walked.) Try (April was a dog who
would rather swim than walk.)

Well written.

 

Marcia

Chapter 18

The Investigation

Typo: I think you meant lot instead of lost in the second line.

Didn't you mention that the factory had more than one shift? Shouldn't there
be cars from shift workers unless this is a smaller lot reserved for the
administration wing with other ones for line workers on a different side of
the complex?

Otherwise, this chapter is a bit slow but progresses the story.

 

 

DeAnna Quietwater Noriega

Cell: 573-544-3511

Email:  <mailto:dqnoriega at gmail.com> dqnoriega at gmail.com

Author of Fifty Years of Walking with Friends

https://www.dldbooks.com/dqnoriega/

 

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