[Critique Group 1] October 2022 Critiques

[Deanna Noriega]

Marcia

Chapter 19

Frozen Out

 

The plot advances. Anyone at Millwood might know Veronica's itinerary or
find it out including Pete as night watchman. Hard to see how they could get
a note delivered to her room though. I didn't stay much in hotels back then,
so maybe the desk would deliver it to her room rather than wait for her to
check at the desk for messages. I guess that leaving voice-mail on the phone
would be out of the question. I suppose they used a switchboard to connect
calls to the room phone, but would need the room number. It isn't likely
that a message given over a phone to the front desk would be passed along if
it was threatening.

One minor typo, (would she actually threaten Veronica wit harm?") needs an H
to make it with harm instead of, wit harm.

 

Cleora

Shy Bird

Your program is running words together in several places. I am wondering if
the line length on your wordpad isn't matching up with that in your email
client. Whatever the cause, there are numerous instances two words are run
together. 

The sentence (Its diet normally consistsof insects) should start with the
word Their diet.

Interesting piece. Curious bird aficionados want to know if their call
sounds like (meep-meep,) like in the cartoons?


Leonard,

Affinity for Sailing 

Charming, but needs some work on run-on sentences.

 

Sally

This piece needs a title.

When young we day-dream about our futures. Perhaps when we are old, we dream
about our pasts. Perhaps this is Twilight-dreaming?

A poignant poem of shared contentment's.



 

 

DeAnna Quietwater Noriega

Cell: 573-544-3511

Email:  <mailto:dqnoriega at gmail.com> dqnoriega at gmail.com

Author of Fifty Years of Walking with Friends

https://www.dldbooks.com/dqnoriega/

 

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