[Critique Group 1] cleora's May Notes

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

comments for Leonard
traffic and its calamitous clamor --
calamitous clamor 
just didn't work for me
horn toots maybe horn blasts
a toot doesn't sound very noisy
instead of did you know
maybe state it as a fact, even song birds have learned
 
 
comments for Marsha
truth was, I was
was used twice close together
maybe in fact I was 
veronica sounds conceited talking about having to reveal her secrets
why would anyone care or want to blackmail her for having a famous parent
I can see the affair being an issue, but telling Robbie would be letting the cat out of the bag. I think she should be more likely to keep this to herself and play up the rivalry with melissa.
The reader knows so keeping it a secret would add to the tension in the story.
stray period where veronica rereads the note
WATCHING YOU.” . Was 
I can see the setting up of the meeting 2 ways.
she is scared and not thinking clearly
she is being overdramatic.
how is a meeting at the restaurant where the waitress is jealous meeting in secret?
I'm getting mixed signals here.
something I just thought of when she was locking and unlocking her door.
My office had a spring lock. I didn't have to lock it with a key.
is her lock a deadbolt?
if it is a spring lock, they are not that hard to compromise for someone who knows how.
you don't need the quote before just locking up when Reed asks about the lock.
hmmm... does Reed know about the affair and hope to get in on the action?
This really doesn't seem like a good place to work. 
Robbie is an officer. Great she immediately starts by showing she has no confidence in his professionalism.
Veronica is not acting like she thinks Ronnie knows his job
she is really blabbing out everything
$20 tip to Chicky 
how much more attention can she bring to this secret meeting?
actually is Robbie just a street cop?
don't remember if he is a detective.
ending quote needed after
stick it to Hamilton. 
ooo more secrets revealing the trust fund.
a hug from Robbie and she didn't resist?
accepting a hug from Robbie. this girl is really messed up.
in melissa's section
more evidence this is not a good place to work
Robbie’s section
oh, ice fishing, what a great idea.
every girls dream date.
 
comments for Sally
This is so sad, yet comforting.
it is so short.
I had to read it a second time.
this last line sums it up
we are held, for one exquisite moment, on eternity’s threshold.
 
comments for DeAnna
The idea that the earth will grieve for us when we are gone Suggests the earth will still be here.