[Critique Group 1] cleora's july notes

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

Leonard
I didn't guess the ending.
I was expecting the 2000 years to have something to do withthe ending.
I didn't notice any type-os or anything
It was good
no changes to recommend

DeAnna
Right away you draw the reader into the adventure of a newdog.
I like the description of possible hazards for the dog tonavigate around.
I like the anticipation of possible unique qualities of thedog.
I remember the story about your first rambunctious dog, andnote the similarities and differences.
Type-o in Sentence containing want too be
have t o o instead oft o
The part about the squeaky toy could be more compact.
14% passive sentences
Seems a little high to me but it reads ok
grade level 7 to 8
Marsha
There were 3 blank lines after each paragraph in the copy Igot.
I understand why you feel women should have the right to anabortion
The essay is well written,
you relate the fatalist to the fates showing your skill as ajournalist
considering that this argument has been around for a verylong time, I disagree with placing blame on any particular person or persons.
I like the sentence following the one about the fatalist.
there is definitely a double standard going on with thosethat oppose abortion.
speaking from the viewpoint of the other side, I think thereasoning you use is more likely to support why abortion should not be legal.
I'm not totally opposed to abortion. I would consider it ina very few cases. But, I think the legalizing of it has been abused over thelast 20 or so years.
Perhaps I'll consider writing a rebuttal.
Nothing personal. You are a good writer. Continue to expresswhat you feel in your writing.

Sally
[comments for Sally
As always, so much said in so few words.
I paused over the word entropy
When I looked up the meaning, I found all three of the definitionsbrought up in the session.
I couldn't decide which one you meant.
In order to ponder its meaning within the poem.
very profound.

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