[Critique Group 1] January 2022 Critiques for Group 1

[Deanna Noriega]

Sally,

Time Travel

I liked the flow of this prose poem. It is

smooth and touched with nostalgia.

I have no changes to suggest except you might shorten the title to Travel.
That would encompass both the ending lines about time travel revisiting
places on trips with your husband , and traveling in the present through
books. . Good effort.

 

Marcia

Calling 911

There is a typo in the way the police officer

addressed you. You spelled the word ma'am

(mamm). I remembered you had thought of writing an autobiography of raising
your younger 

daughter, but worried about how she would react if you

did. This looks like the beginning of such a book. It is hard to raise a
difficult child without second guessing whether you did things wrong or if
someone wiser would have done a better job. No manual comes with a new baby.
If that child also exhibits behaviors that embarrass us or make us wonder if
we have the talents necessary to cope with that child, it can take a lot of
time working through our emotions. I think the piece was well written.  

 

Leonard,

The Long Bike Challenge

I think you did an excellent description of the ride, my only question was
why would you choose to travel by bicycle from one side of the mountain  to
the other. I think I remember you riding through a thunder storm over this
same ground.If the point of this piece is to make me feel tired and ready to
get off that bike, you succeeded! The only bike I have ever ridden was a
tandem. My husband and I bought a used single speed one that was a bear to
get up hills. Later, we bought a ten-speed on and that was better. You
certainly evoked the struggle of trying to get up the grade and the
difficulty of slowing on a steep slope. Once the grade was less steep, you
also caught the exhileration of riding down a gentler decline. Good work. 

 

Cleora,

Book Review of "Winds of Wrath,"

I am not sure of the template for a book review, but logically I suspect
that the information should be arranged a bit differently.

I would think the number of pages should be followed by all of the print
versions beginning with the hard cover, ISBN for that version, and all of
the other print on paper options with prices. Each type would have their own
ISBN.

Then the electronic version, ISBN for that one

Then Audio length, followed by ISBN, price.

The pattern should be consistent for each version.

I would  put a colon after Genre, then make a list ending with parallel
universe with commas after each. You should go down one line after the list
and begin the body of your review 

I got a bit confused about the forward thinking it was from an actual person
until I read that he was an officer of the fictional boat. Perhaps you
should state that he is a fictional character when you give his credentials.
To me, The most important thing is a description of the book itself. Then if
I like the sound of it, I can read the information about where to get it.

DQN 

 

 

DeAnna Quietwater Noriega

Cell: 573-544-3511

Email:  <mailto:dqnoriega at gmail.com> dqnoriega at gmail.com

Author of Fifty Years of Walking with Friends

https://www.dldbooks.com/dqnoriega/

 

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