[Critique Group 1] Lenard's comments on Cleora's piece

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

You are still having trouble with your spacing. 

Don’t feel bad, 

I have the same issues. 

The grammar program we are using is not verygood.  

There are some other  grammar issues as well. 

I’m not sure we are starting from the point thatwe found Misty in the last entry. 

Anyway, she seems to have accepted her task. 

She got her first lesson in magic. 

But she has temper tantrums when what she triesdoesn’t work. 

Do you ever feel like having a temper tantrum? 

Misty has learned her first lesson, 

if you want to get fed, stick to your job. 

I’m interested in seeing how Misty does.

 

 

“How do I do that?”

 

“Look where you want to go,” appeared on thepage.

 

Misty looked at the first address on the tablet.Nothinghappened. She snorted in frustration and looked up and straight aheadgazinginto the darkness. Suddenly, she threw the pad on the ground and jumpedup anddown on it. It remained undamaged. She picked it up and tore it intopieces. Itreassembled itself. She threw the tablet down, screamed as loud asshe could,closed her eyes tightly, swung her fists up and down and stamped herfeet. Thetablet lay on the ground. Finally, she picked it up again, and stairedat thefirst address. “How do I get to you?” The page fluttered. She lifted it.

 

The first line in this paragraph is wrong. 

 

“Nose,” appeared on the page.

 

She thought a little while. Then putting thepage down, shestaired at the first address, put her finger beside her nose, andthought aboutthe address. Suddenly, she was in a Livingroom with a smallunadorned Christmastree. Beside the tree on a coffee table were 3 cookies and aglass of milk. Shelooked around, saw she was alone, ate the cookies and drankthe milk. Voiceswere coming from an adjoining room. She walked over to the leftside of the entry to listen.

 

“This is very difficult for me to say,” a manwas saying.“So, I'm just going to come out and say it. It has been a verydifficult year.There's no money for a fancy feast or presents. We will stillhave Christmas,but presents are to be homemade. We will have the usual dinner.No fancy piesor cakes. Does everyone understand?”

 

“Yes sir,” came a chorus of sad voices.

 

“Good. Don't stay up too late,” the mancontinued. “It'sbeen a long day. I'm going on to bed.” A chair scraped back andMisty heard footsteps leaving as someone stood and left the room.

 

“Do you think the test will come out okay?”asked a youngermale voice.

 

“I hope so,” said a young female. “Do you knowwhat you're going to get...make for Dad?”

 

“No clue. I think I'll go for a little walk. Seeyou in themorning.”

 

Misty placed her finger beside her nose andthought aboutbeing outside. She vanished just as she saw the girl come throughthe doorwayand turn down the hall.

 

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