[Critique Group 1] cleora's dec 2022 notes

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

Leonard
I can relate
found some places where there are multiple spaces between words
I don't understand
and it ran away to elude this one.
what word is it trying to elude ?
enjoyed it a lot
DeAnna
I see a few little changes from the previous versions.
I think taking out the reference to the song actually improves it a lot.
The scarlet ribbon still hints it, but not having the lyrics makes it better.
9:02 PM 12/30/2022e9:03 PM 12/30/2022walking through the wall instead of leaving thru the cat door gives it a mystical trait
But, I liked the going thru the pet door better.
I was thinking they probably are renting and the pet door came with the place.
The cat could manipulate the latch to get out.
I would leave out the first reference to the 8th life
and combine the last part with the reference to the 8th life at the end
Suggest removing the first reference
Nearing the end of my 8th life I have no regrets.
incorporate
The look of amazement on Ivy’s face and the trusting joy on Becca’s when she woke to find her prayer had been answered was worth the sacrifice.
into the last paragraph
This is getting better each time. It may be ready now. Or, maybe just a little more work if you're still not totally happy with it.
Sally
his is a delightful little poem
I loved it immediately
I like the rhythm and the meter
Several non-breaking spaces after the byline
The night was a cold one
maybe the night was a chill one
and then you wouldn't have cold twice within a few lines
This is beautiful in its simplicity.
Marsha
interesting ending
I like the contrast of what you're unable to see, and the warmth of something good
Liked it very much.