[Critique Group 1] cleora's november notes

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

Leonard
I like the twist at the end.
I think you could leave off the phrase
no doubt attending to business.
ending quote after drain the swamp drain the swamp
already be done?
I think this should be been done
3 spaces between
transformed into
I found it hard to follow.
Marsha
Hmmm… again Hank seems to act out of character a lot for a cop
I like Bruce sense it sounds a little like brute but doesn't sound right with Braun
how about naming him buck or making his nickname buck since he is a hunk
also thought of Malcom Bill Frank Gary Ivan Keith Larry Steve Ulysses Victor
I agree Robbie & Ronnie is confusing, but as you said already Hank doesn’t seem right either
This chapter, I assume, will be early in the book and serve to introduce Veronica and tell us a little about Hank.
I'm thinking she is more attractive than she wants to believe since her mother wanted her to pursue an acting or modeling career.
This is a vivid and revealing explanation of why she doesn't like her mother very much.
and, maybe, doesn't like herself very much either
She finds soul mates at private school
I've always seen ma'am spelled with an apostrophe between the 2 a's
remove quote at end of sentence ending
I chided.”
where she is guessing he has her address already
when I read this the first time it seemed too long and I was thinking it might be better to introduce Veronica a little at a time in a variety of settings so we get to know her the way you would get to know a person in real life.
but when I read thru it the second time I didn't get that impression
DeAnna
I don't remember the name for this type of poem.
Vital and heart felt sentiment well expressed.
I had text analyzer turned on and it didn't identify anything.
I didn't notice anything to change. I just read and enjoyed.
I wish the people of the world could all come together under the same idea
Sally:
brings back memories when mother would make bread,
and when we would all gather around the kitchen table to shell peas and snap green beans
I wonder about cutting a slice from store bought bread.
I would expect the bread to already be sliced.
How things have changed from those long ago years.
How about "A Pinch of Love" for the title?
or something that reflects that bygone era when we were close to the earth instead of the store.
I don't remember what it was, but I think the title DeAnna suggested was great.