[Critique Group 1] Leonard's comments on Cleora's sub

Fri Apr 29 10:24:01 EDT 2022

What was the room for where she was looking atthe boy. 

I thought it was a   nursing home. 

If it was he must have been there for diabetes 

if he was using that test. 

Everybody else was old. 

This is well written. 

It is a bit of a tear jerker. 

A boy abandoned in an elderly nursing  home to face his illness alone.

Well done.

Cleora sub for April 22

Chapter 4

The room she was in had a vaulted ceiling, andstained glass windows, but it didn't look like a chapel. There was a piano inthe far left corner. The Decorated Christmas Tree in the center of the roomreached almost to the ceiling of the second floor hallway visible from whereshe stood. She crossed the room and ascended the spiral staircase. Turning downthe long hall, she glanced in as she passed each dimly lit room. Room afterroom was empty until the last one. In it, she saw a teenager holding a syringe.A chill ran down her spine.

“No!” she shouted, forgetting he wouldn't beable to see or hear her.

He looked around like he sensed someone wasthere, but, seeing no one, He shrugged and turned back to what he was doing.

She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw himreach for a Glucometer. So, what is the problem, she wondered. This house hasgot to be worth millions. If anybody is going to have a Merry Christmas, it hasto be this family.

She opened the notepad, and looked at the firstpage. What is the problem, here? She thought. Then, lifted the page. The word“Watch” appeared.

Hearing a noise, she turned around. A crowd ofpeople were coming down the hall. As she watched, someone would go into a roomas the group progressed. She caught bits of conversation. 

“My kids are coming down,” said one. “They aregoing to pick me up and take me to the family Christmas party.”

“That's great,” said the woman with a canewalking beside her. “My son is coming. I haven't seen him in 6 months. He andmy daughter are taking me out for Christmas dinner. I told them not to buy meanything. Just seeing them and spending the day together is Christmas presentenough for me.”

Misty heard other similar plans as the remainderof the crowd meandered by. Thinking back to the room she first landed in, sherealized. This was a senior facility. She turned back to look at the boy in theroom. He wasn't a senior. What is he doing here. What were the people comingback from? 

Someone carrying a tray brushed past her. “Gary,I brought you some breakfast.”

“I don't want it,” replied the boy.

“You have to eat.”

“Okay, just put it on the table. I'll get to itlater.”

Frowning, The nurse set the tray on the table.“Would you like me to stay with you?”

He turned to face her. “No!” he shouted. “Justput it down and get out.”

The nurse looked desperate to find some way tohelp the boy. But, at last, she put the tray down and left.

What has his not eating got to do with having aMerry Christmas, Misty wondered. Looking around the room for clues, her eyesfell on four unopened packages on the table in the corner. Two were from acomputer store, one from Apple, and one from Macy's. The corner of a sheet ofexpensive looking pink stationery was visible from under the tray. Could thatbe it? She wondered. She put her finger beside her nose and thought aboutpulling on the paper. It began to slide out from under the tray. But she pulledit too far and it fell off and landed print side down on the floor. She stampedher foot. Trying again, she thought about the paper turning over. She glancedup at the boy. He didn’t seem to be paying attention. She got the pagepositioned so she could read the letter.

It was from his Mom. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.We won’t be able to come. Take care of yourself. Have a Merry Christmas, dear.We love you.”

The words tore at Misty’s heart. Right. Surethey do. I know about that kind of love, she thought bitterly.

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