[Critique Group 1] Leonard's comments on Cleora's sub

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

The piece is well written.  

Clear, logical. 

Progresses to a conclusion. 

Holds the reader’s interest. 

Of  coursed, wedon’t know the lead-up to this situation. 

We didn’t read the chapter leading to where it is now.

But it was easy to fill in the gaps. 

No changes recommended.

 

Chapter 3

 

The back door opened, and a young man wearing a light jacketstepped through closing the door behind him. He bounded down the steps and, hishands in his pants pockets, started walking purposefully in the direction ofthe field behind the house. Misty followed him to a cave. He stopped abruptlyat the entrance. The angry voices of two men could be heard coming from deepwithin.

 

The argument seemed to have something to do with a dodgerone of the men had picked up as a souvenir. “You idiot,” shouted one. “So far,nobody knows it was us. Get rid of it.” There were sounds like someone gettingup and shuffling toward the entrance.

 

The boy backed out and surveyed the area for a place tohide. He settled on a bush a few feet from the entrance and dived behind itjust as a short stocky man holding a poster appeared at the mouth of the cave.He glanced behind him, then turned toward the bush the boy was hiding behind.As he approached, the boy worked his way around keeping the bush betweenhimself and the man. The man stopped at a cluster of rocks. Moving one, herevealed a Star Trek lunch box, opened it, held up the paper enough for the boyto see a reward for $5,000 at the top, carefully folded it and placed itinside. Latching the box, he turned and started back toward the cave.

 

"Well, what do we have here?" 

 

The boy looked around. Another man had come out and wasstaring with his hands on his hips. The boy jumped up and tried to run, but theman blocked his way, and held him firmly in a vise grip. "You see, Joe? Hesaw that poster. He knows."

 

"Nah, I folded it up. I put it in the box. He didn'tsee it." insisted Joe.

 

"Don’t be stupid. I saw him watching you. The rewardwas plainly visible. Come on, kid." Holding the boy firmly, the manstarted back into the cave dragging the boy along with him.

 

"What are you going to do?" asked Joe."You're not going to kill him,"

 

"We can't very well let him go." said the otherman.

 

"You can't kill him," said Joe.

 

"Shut-up. I gotta think," said the other man.

 

Misty followed them inside. "Gimme that cord over there," ordered the man holding the boy.Joe complied. The man hog tied the boy and put a rag in his mouth. "Okay,let's get some sleep. We'll decide what to do with the kid in the morning.

 

Misty waited until the breathing of both men was slow andregular. The boy looked scared and miserable. Misty saw a bottle and thoughtabout making it roll over to the boy and breaking it, but that might wake themen and besides, she didn't think the glass would be able to cut through thebungie. Somehow, she decided, she would have to help the boy untie himself.Then, she saw the hooks on the end of the cord. If the boy could work the hookinto the knot, maybe he could loosen it. She moved over to the boy and began to pushed the hook against the boyshand when the boy adjusted his position. At first the boy didn't seem tonotice. Each time he moved, she tried pushing the hook against his hand again.Finally, his eyes grew wide, and his brow furrowed. He moved his hand aroundthe hook. He has the idea, Misty thought. It took several minutes, but after awhile the boy had his hands free. He sat up and untied his feet. Risingquietly, he started to move toward the entrance.  The man called Joe stirred. The boy froze.Joe turned over, and opened his eyes. "Hey," he shouted. Suddenly,the other man was awake. The boy started to run. Both men were after him like ashot.

 

Misty followed them out of the cave. The boy slipped in themud and the other man grabbed his coat, but Joe ran into him causing him tolose his grip. The boy struggled to his feet and ran. The other man swore as hepushed Joe off him, got to his feet and ran after the boy. Joe got up andfollowed. Misty followed. At the bottom of the hill, the boy spotted a policecar coming up the road. He ran out in front of it waving his arms and shoutingfor them to stop. The police car braked to a stop and the officers got out justas the other man caught up with the boy. 

 

"Officers," shouted the man. "I'm glad to seeyou. Arrest this boy. I caught him in my room. He's a thief."

 

The officer that had been driving reached the boy first."Oh, yes, I know this kid. We've had dealings with him before."

 

"Well, what have we here?" said the other officer.He reached and pulled an expensive looking neckless out of the boy's pocket."Where did you get this, boy?"

 

The boy stared at the jewelry with open mouthed disbelief."I, I..." 

 

"Come on kid," said the first officer as he turneddragging the boy to the back of the police car. "We'll sort this out downtown."

 

"I, I," stammered the boy. "I never saw thatbefore in my life. I wasn't in any room."

 

"Shut up, boy. Lying’s not going to get you anywhere.Make it easy for yourself. Just confess," said the first officer.

 

"But, but," stammered the boy. "I didn't doanything. They..."

 

The officer opened the back door of the squad car, whippedthe boy around expertly slapping cuffs on him, and putting his hand on top ofthe boy's head, forced him into the back seat and closed the door.

 

"I'm sorry sir, we'll have to keep the jewelry forevidence, and I'll need you and your friend to come down and swear out acomplaint."

 

The robber looked stunned. From the look on his face, Mistyfigured he had just realized he had put his own neck and that of his partner inthe noose.

 

At the station the officer handed the clerk a bag with thenecklace. “We found this on the Baxter boy,” he said nodding his head towardthe boy. “These men caught him in their house.”

 

The clerk picked up the bag. “Hmmm,” didn’t even have timeto take the price tag off,” he remarked.

 

“Price tag?” asked the officer. He turned and looked at themen. They were starting for the door. “Stop them!” shouted the officer.

 

It took a while but eventually the officers identified thenecklace as one that had been reported stolen in a recent jewelry storebreak-in and the rest of the loot was found in the cave along with property andcash from other robberies. The boy finally found his voice and explained how hehad found the wanted poster, been captured by the crooks, and gotten awayintending to turn them in for the reward when the cops had gotten the wrongidea and arrested him instead.

 

Red faced officers apologized for the mistake, and arrangedfor the boy to receive the reward. 

 

"This is enough to pay off the hospital and doctorbills with some left over," said the father. He looked up at the kids."What you say we go to that fancy new restaurant over on Park Street, andhave the most expensive thing on the menu?" The kids grinned at each otherand back at their Dad, and off they went.

 
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