[Critique Group 1] July Critiques

[Deanna Noriega]

Sally

The Gift

Married his English girlfriend "after the whirlwind romances common" This
makes sense in British speech, but is awkward in American English. "In the
manner of" would work better.

Lovely poignant thought.

 

Cleora

Help Wanted

But, these people, while god people, didn't share the same commitment

This is the same designation in the same sentence, Change one to employees,
as I think you are talking about the employees hired to run the day to day
business.

Delete the Again, or change the word after the comma to a lowercase letter.

It sounds as if you are listing items to look for in choosing an agency, but
you then point-out the pitfalls in those things. I would leave out the
numbering. Put them down as options  because you mention them then and then
point out how they don't really solve the problems.

Much more organized. 


Marcia

Good As It Gets

Jump the bones of the good-looking local cop's (the apostrophe and S aren't
necessary.

Good use of point of view writing. guessing this will be in a chapter before
the festival one you already showed us. 

 

Sally

 

DeAnna Quietwater Noriega

Cell: 573-544-3511

Email:  <mailto:dqnoriega at gmail.com> dqnoriega at gmail.com

Author of Fifty Years of Walking with Friends

https://www.dldbooks.com/dqnoriega/

 

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