[Critique Group 1] cleora's february 2021 notes

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

[comments for Sally
An excellent piece as always.
Perhaps it's just me, but the way it started I wasn't sure if this was the ghost of a past guide dog, or the spirit of the new one coming to visit.
Nice piece.

[comments for Marsha
Cleora: I like the title, but I'm not sure how it fits in.
I stopped at victorian
Victorian what?
You mention "returning to Colorado" as if that is where your family is now, but in the list of moves, it is listed first.
If Colorado is the last move, why not list the locations in the order you moved listing it last?
There is lots of information here and several times where I think it is coming to an end, but it just keeps going.
Perhaps there is a way to have each section flow into the next until you are ready to end.
Some time ago, I read an article that mentioned in a novel each chapter should be a story in itself.
I like the description of miss hoity toity, and took an instant dislike to her.
This chapter could be expanded into several chapters, or rearranged with one central focus.
Just my oppinion.

[comments for leonard
I have talked to people who have seen ball lightening. They were fasinated by it.
I can understand with you riding a bike in the rain and lightening striking all around that you would be aprehensive.
I agree with the others that it would have been nice to know early on that you wer shirtless. In the beginning I thought you were riding home from work and fully dressed.

[comments for DeAnna
It seems like 3 seperate stories.
I think it could be linked together better, and mention the butterfly at least when talking about the bear, deer, & eagle morning the dry conditions.
I love the grandmother spider. It give the tale a haunting close to nature feel.