[Critique Group 1] February critique notes

[Deanna Noriega]

Critique, February 2021

Sally

NIGHT VISITOR

Lovely, as always. Poignant I especially liked the closing lines. No
suggestions.

 

Marcia

a pie cooking contest, usually such a contest is called a pie baking
contest.

Yellow squash and corn husks roastedon gargantuan grills. I think you meant
ears of corn, rather than corn husks which are just the leaves that wrap
around the cobb annd kernels of corn. Or corn on the cobb might also work
here.

My stomach was stretched to its limit. . Remove the second periodafter limit


In the Immediate Release notice, you have Veronica's last name as Derringer,
like the pistol. Later, you refer to her as Miss Berringer. 

 

Leonard

Balls of Fire

 

I can see what Marcia meant about the first sentence.Perhaps: In 1980, I was
on my way home from work. The sentence I lived 20 miles from my house in
Ruckkersville. I think you meant to say that I worked about 20 miles from my
house in Ruckersville Virginia.

I was in the middle of a war between Heaven and Hell.

I know I don't want to ever again You need an exclamation or period at the
end of your sentence.

Perhaps Heaven and earth.  

 

Cleora

I think this piece is tighter and keeps the focus on the subject. I think
though that it needs citations of the sources you used for the statements
you make. 

 

Warm Regards,

DeAnna 

 

 

 

DeAnna Quietwater Noriega

Cell: 573-544-3511

Email:  <mailto:dqnoriega at gmail.com> dqnoriega at gmail.com

Author of Fifty Years of Walking with Friends

https://www.dldbooks.com/dqnoriega/

 

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