[Critique Group 1] Cleora's December Notes

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

[comments for Marsha
Cleora: this story has some of the components I find in stories by bestselling authors
Mr. K not firing Claudia suggests he thinks it will all blow over.
and that he has faith in her.
perhaps he also agreed with what she wrote.
good job showing Claudia's misery over her predicament
and courage to press on.
I love the imagined faits she may face.
Like a bone, I chewed on my predicament.
This seems awkward to me.
I think it means she is chewing on the predicament, but it sounds like she might be chewing on a real bone.
Also, I needs to be capitalized.
I can see the matronly dispatcher busying herself as if Claudia isn't there.
I can picture Claudia hurrying across the parking lot
I can hear the clanging metal hook on the flag pole 
I see the van stopping in front of her.
a familiar voice slices the icy air.
suggests the voice is also Icey
I feel her tension and insecurity.
reword so it is clear it is the van dome light that came on
realizing the dispatcher deliberately kept the shooting from her.
Spelling of croan  
I think you mean crone for hag or witch 
I notice the passenger didn't share the information
good showing of how the whole town is against her
interesting you refer to Perry Mason. I've been reading the perry Mason novels the last few weeks. However, I don't remember any fist pounding. 
You must be referring to the TV episodes
strong assertion on her part taking up for herself.
the address is on her way home, but each time I read this I was focused on her way home.
It took a moment to realize she had gone to the dead couples address.
perhaps reword to take the reader to the scene more directly
at least a few people are willing to give her a break.
good tie in of events
dead couple are the Smythe's 
mayor's announcement to present a special plaque to the Smythe's at the anniversary celebration.
veronica's prediction
opportunity to regain confidence of people or destroy her credibility irreparably
Blow this and she's gone.
professional and complete report on Mr. K's desk gets his approval
shows her ability to do her job in the face of pressure and uncertainty
remember in a mystery
at the end, when the murderer is revealed, the reader should be able to think back and say "oh yes, I have realized that.
give the clues but don't spell out the meaning until the end. 
For the type of mystery you want to write, half the fun for the reader is to try to guess who the murderer is from the clues provided as Claudia discovers them
the novels by Gardner are splendid examples
Gardner was a lawyer, so the cases were from real life experience. His novels are splendid examples of "write what you know"
You could use your real life experience as a journalist in the same way.
As a general rule, a ringer shouldn't be introduced at the end when the explanation is given.
sometimes Gardner introduces a ringer at the end. I feel cheated because this deprived me of the option of solving the crime myself.
Everything in the novel should be significant. 
The reader will be wondering what the death of the couple has to do with the murder once that happens.
The Magic Cat series by Sofie Kelly is very similar to the story you are writing. 
this series and the parry mason novels are available through NLS
[comments for Leonard
tres bon jour
I translate this "Have a nice day"
I get it that this is about the problems we face of climate change and from polution.
However, I'm not sure who is being said goodbye to.
Is it the earth? That doesn't seem to fit.
Other people? 
just not sure.
The no home to return to I think is the earth, but you haven't left it.
It hasn't left us. Are you suggesting it is going to?