[Critique Group 1] Critiques 7/29/2020

[Deanna Noriega]

Sally,

Running Free

A not uncommon practice,

Awkward phrasing (perhaps, A commonplace occurrence?)

And relishing the time before them.

(They relish all the time before them?)

Arching? (flinging?)

Love the line,

(They race along eternity's shore.

 

Marcia,

Old Memories

I liked the double meaning in the title.

I couldn't find any places that need to be changed.

Poignant, thought journey.

I loved the line,

He forgets, but I rmember.

 

Leonard

First Sleigh Ride

2nd stanza,

1st and 2nd lines both contin the word "just"

Perhaps change I don't know just how old I was. To I don't recall how old I
was.This would retain the same number of syllables and remove one of the
word "Just" from such close proximity.

I like the poem 

 

Cleora

Prejudice and Bigotry

 

Percy Bissh Shellyey should be spelled Percy Bisshe Shelley

Fond over should perhaps b fawn over.

Typo, thes should be  these

I think the lost letter e follows the exclamination point.

"ecano prejudice" needs to letter o's "econo prejudice"

DeAnna

 

 

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