[Critique Group 1] Cleora's notes for November

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

[comments for Marsha
the sentence that contains
strangers rarely in a small town
I think you mean that locals notice strangers in a small town, but to me it is saying the eyes belong to the stranger.
You might look at this and see if there is a better way to say it.
Coming from a small town, it would sound more natural to say city map than map of the township.
I grew up near a small town. We said we were going to town, not township.
I don't think you would make a very good impression if you walked in and asked for a map of the township.
They might immediately think you were trying to impress them with how much better you are than the rest of the folks.
It was a statement
I think maybe this is obvious. I think you can leave it out
as wide as she was tall, 
maybe she appeared as wide as her four foot ten 
then half a foot shorter then my five foot four if this is in there to give Claudia's height, or leave it out if not.
Good description without detracting from the story or being boring.
I like the way you describe Mrs. Fox dispatching the rodent.
My mother would have quickly caught it and broken its neck then flushed it down the toilet. Perhaps Mrs. Fox was to big to do it that way.
I recall a former piece about you comeing to a new town to take your first job as a reporter.
I believe this version is much better.
I wouldn't throw the other one out. I think its strong point was the new boss at the paper.

[comments for leonard
 No real comments
I agree. as a nation, We follow a siren song onto the rocky shors.
Where we disagree is what those rocky shores are.

[comments for DeAnna
I smiled when I read about the skating to wax the floor.
At spring cleaning, It was my job to wax the floors.
I remember skating on waxed floors and an unhappy mother when she saw my socks.
Sounds good. No real comments.


[comments for Sally
Take care. You are loved.
Cleora