[Critique Group 1] Leonard's comments on Cleora sub Aug

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

I followed this piece all the way to theconclusions.  

I thought It was, for the most part, wellwritten.  

But I didn’t see the connection between what you had just written and yourconclusions.  

The conclusions seem to be  just stuck on to theend, with nothing to support it.

 

I read  thenew version, and it is more  consice  

with a greater economy of words. 

I have no problem with the first part of theessay. 

It is even better written  than it was the first time.  

It is how you segway into the conclusions  that I have trouble with. 

 This isdone on the first rendition  of the pieceand may not comply with the changed version.

 

Inspired bylistening to others on the July reader's workshop with theme summer magic

 

622 words

My SummerVacation

by c. s. boyd

 

   The first week of school was a time for everyone to tell about their summervacation. I kept my head down embarrassed because I didn't have a story aboutgoing to one of the many tourist spots in our nation. If I had told about mysummer vacation, the teacher would have marked it as unacceptable because itwasn't the kind of story she was expecting.

 

For me, summerwas a time of work and preparation.

 

After the longwinter, there was fence mending and other repairs to be made around our small farm.

 

We had an orchardmade up of one row of apple trees, 2 apricot (my favorite), 2 plumb, 1 redcherry, 1 white cherry, and 2 peach trees. Two white and two purple grape vinesgrew along the wooden fence that divided the north east corner of the propertyfrom the rest of the two and one half acres. Each year we planted a garden ofcorn, green beans, black-eyed peas, okra, tomatoes, and watermelon. The gardenhad to be watered, and, when ready,  The vegetables and fruit had to bepicked and prepared. We ate a good bit of it and canned the rest to eat duringthe upcoming fall and winter.

 

I also churnedbutter, helped with dressing the chickens my father killed, fed the livestock,and other chores.

 

I rememberlaughing at my dog chasing the sprinkler. making apple dumplings, grape jelly,apple and cherry pies, snapping peas, and green beans, canning vegetables, andfruit to store for the fall and winter ahead

You already said that you prepared fruits andvegetables  for the winter . 

This is redundant.

 

There was nomoney or time for trips to see Mount Rushmore, YellowstonePark, the Grand Canyon, CarlsbadCaverns, the Washington Monument, the liberty bell, Disney Land,or any of the other historical and national vacation spots other kids got tovisit.

 

No going to themovies,  watching TV, play at the local swimming pool or sleeping untilnoon for me. There was work to be done, and  I rose at 6:00am to help getit done.

 

As a child, Ilonged to see and do the things the other kids talked about. At first, I thoughtI would do it as an adult, But, I didn't have the money and didn't have paidvacation. Besides, others my age had already seen all these things. They wereinto ski trips, and traveling abroad. So, I thought I would do it after Iretired. Then, I went blind, so I missed out all round. Oh, I know I've heardblind friends talk about going on vacation and how they love the descriptionpeople give of the places they go. That's ok for them, but I can hear adescription without leaving home, and I've seen pictures. It's not the same asgoing and seeing it for myself.

 

Now, we havepeople who want to remove the monuments to our history. Vacation spots are notsafe. The founder may have something objectionable in his past that means whathe created has to be torn down. Long established names have to be changedbecause they could be offensive to someone. I think sports should be banned aswell. These institutions are evil. They exploit young black men by promisingthem a free college education and pay them millions of dollars to get them toplay for teams that buy and sell them like meat at the market. This will leaveus with no history, therefore, there was no revolutionary war, no slavery,thus, no civil war, and, finally, we make the utopia complete by removing alllaws and law enforcement leaving us with 328 million unrelated people livingtogether on the bottom half of the North American continent.

 

 
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