[Critique Group 1] cleora's notes for september, 2019

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

Comments for DeAnna
It's very nice just as it is.
I read back a third time more carefully to see if there were places that could be made better. I made some assumptions when I read the first few times that maybe could be made more clear.
In the first sentence.
Maybe instead of smiled down, smiled lovingly leave out down.
We know that she is 5 years old, so she is small. Maybe use slight or some other descriptive word to give us a picture of how she looks.
I grinned at the idea of the hoop smacking Tina in the nose.
I can picture the little girls surprise and dismay when the hoop flew up.
I can see the grins and hear the chuckles of the attendees as Tammy inserts chaos into the solemn occasion.
I guess it was Tabby )bride?) who made the comment about making Tammy the flower dog, but I'm not sure. You might look at this line and see if you can make it more clear who is talking.
Who are Christopher Grant and Tabitha, ? 
Are there 2 Tinas?
A heart-warming ending. But, the piece ends a bit abruptly.

[comments for Leonard
I found it bright and relaxing.
The message, stories are all around, just listen, see, and feel

[comments for Marsha
of all of these SIRI is the most annoying.
I sware she gets dummer every time they do an upgrade to the i o s system
The other day I wanted to know what lymphedema was. SIRI informed me that she was a Greek goddess of war.
With persistance, I finally got her to tell me it is a side effect of a cancer tretement.
I recently attended a Hadley Tech-it-out meeting.
I didn't know there was a talking coffee maker. I've heard the talking microwave is not that great, and way too expensive.
I found the contrast between glad and annoyed interesting and amuzing.
It is a short little piece that is brief and to the point while bringing up the readers own experiences and frustrations with technology.
Could be expanded to include the new smart appliances.