[Critique Group 1] Cleora's notes for November

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

[comments for Sally
You're getting a kitten?
This is a warm poem about love and anticipation.
I enjoyed it.
Interesting told from the point of view of the kitten.
a few comments
I had trouble with the sequence of events.
I read this a couple of times trying to sort it out.
I didn't realize the kitten had been brought home until about 2 or 3 lines into the 3rd stanza.
Maybe if the first 2 lines came after the 2nd stanza
cat nip mice gives it a warm feeling of friendship
Then we go back to the cage. How did she know about the preparations?
I'm confused, is this a kitten that has been brought home, or one that hopes to be brought to a loving home where cats have been before?

[comments for DeAnna
the line, bought by her parents to celebrate
consider gift from her parents sounds more personal and caring
line, bought by sounds cold and had to do it
I'm wondering about Brad, I'm sure the baby is not quiet all of the few hours he is home.
Is there may be some conflict here as well?
I'm thinking Laurie has it more together than I would have.
I've been in a home with a new born, and this must be the reason God put so much love in the heart of parents.
Without it few of us would be alive today.
line, snatched an antique silver backed hand mirror her grandmother had given her
maybe gave her? or gift from her grandmother?
mist appeared. Might she also have noticed the slight rise and fall of the chest.
add a little more drama "thank God, lauri whispered under her breath, the baby is asleep.
I find a non breaking space before
                Erin stretched, 
maybe this was supposed to be a blank line?
We are listening to a conversation then abruptly Erin  stretches and slips her phone in its holder.
There needs to be some transition here.
Plenty of emotion and tension. A powerful piece.
I enjoyed it.

[comments for Leonard
Cleora: Does this have a title?
Chuckle.
Did you mean hark in line six to rhyme with bark?
I just love it when the excuse is 
“I was washing dishes. I didn’t mute because I was speaking and no one would have been able to hear me.
What? You can’t stop washing while you speak?
Or, My husband in the other room has the TV too loud and refuses to turn it down.
I fail to understand why this is a reason why they can’t mute.
How typical that the person who takes action is punished.
This has become the general response in our society.
A certain group is allowed to do or say anything they want, while everyone else must remain silent for fear of offending someone's sensitivities.