[Critique Group 1] Sally's March submission

[Sally Rosenthal]

Hi, everyone, Below is an older poem that I am re-working.  This is the
original version, and I would like your opinions on how to make it a
stronger poem. Thanks, Sally

SOLACE

 

In memory of Kathleen Bennett, 1916 - 2008

 

 

I brought my mother a dog to polish

The dullness of a nursing home routine

And make it sparkle with Labrador enthusiasm.

 

I brought my mother a dog to remind her

That she was the same person  whose ninety-one years

Had been blessed by canine devotion - from  the fox terrier

Of her native England who, disliking being groomed,

Buried his brush in a neighbor's garden, from the gentle mastiffs bred and
shown

By her late sister at Crufts,  from the family mutts

Who always found canine Christmas presents under the tree, to the yellow
Labrador

Who, with my hand on her harness, guided me

Through the institutional halls

And greeted her with a kiss when we visited.

 

I brought my mother a dog to salve

My conscience for the care I could not provide

And to assuage my guilt for the luxuries I had at home

Of meals of my own choosing, hot cups of tea, and quiet privacy.

 

I brought my mother a dog a few hours

Before she died. As I held her waif-like hand

Listening to her changing breath and bidding her safe travel,

I prayed that the woman in the nursing home bed

That held no hint of home realized

I had brought us both a dog.

 

-Sally Rosenthal-   

 

-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <http://bluegrasspals.com/pipermail/group1/attachments/20190318/e270651c/attachment.html>