[Critique Group 1] Leonard's comments for Feb session

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

DeAnna




 



 
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As usuall  I can’t think of much to  improve the story.  


 

 

 
I have the same old suggestion I always have about making the transitions from one situation to the next a little smoother. 


 

 

 
It’s interesting how even dogs can’t help but have a favorite child.  


 

 

 
Was Griffin afraid of water, or was he just religiously opposed  to baths.   


 

 

 
I had a dog, a dalmation, who was afraid to cross over a 4 inch deep stream. 


 

 

 
But I can’t blame a dog for not wanting to smell from perfume and get all the oil washed out of their coat. 


 

 

 
I think humans do that to them because they don’t want shedding hair all over the house. 


 

 

 
Dogs know that smelling of rotted manure and other natural delights is better than perfume. 


 

 

 
They can’t wait to get rid of the smelly stuff by rolling around in dung


 

 

 
. On the other hand, all animals like grooming.  Pardon the polemicy of my comments. Obviously, All dogs and humans, in fact all living species, are individuals. 


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Parttwo of Griffin



 



Griffin also helped me through another life transition.I would have had a difficult time adjusting to no longer having any children inour home in Colorado.Our youngest daughter decided not to go to college. She insisted on marryingher high school sweetheart shortly after she turned eighteen. Having Griffin to nurture andshape into a star dog helped me to weather the inevitable stresses of emptynest syndrome.



 



An example of how much time and care a guide dogcan require can be illustrated by sharing the story of what happened when Iattempted to give Griffinhis spring bath. 



 



Onthat June morning in Colorado Springs,the weather was in the seventies with a warm dry wind.  I usually took myguide dog Griffinto an owner-grooming place that supplied all of the necessities and bathe himthere.  I decided to give him his bath in my home tub.  It was one ofthe oversized affairs with a wide seat at the front and a step up to get in alaRoman design with shower curtains instead of glass doors. Griffin hated baths.  I gathered all ofmy equipment; shampoo, zoom groom rubber brush, bar of flea soap, old towels,dog cologne and conditioner.  I changed into my swimsuit and we proceededinto the bathroom and close the doors.  Griffin stood with head down, tail tucked andwhimpered through the rinsing and soaping.  My shower head is one of thosethat can be detached with a hose on it to get the water where it's needed.After wringing out as much water as I could with my hands, I dried him with twolarge towels and took him outside to clip him to the porch railing with aleash.  I went back inside to remove five pounds of dog hair from thetub.  I mopped up the water he had shaken all over the place.  Igathered up the soggy bath mat, hairy towels, grooming tools and doggy cleaningproducts, stowing them in the appropriate locations.   I got dressedin my jeans.  When I went out to see how Griffin was drying and whether it was time tobrush out the loosened fur from his coat, I couldn't find him.  Followingthe leash still clipped to the porch rail, I discovered he had squeezed throughthe railing, then crawled under the porch and was completely covered in mud. Hehad taken refuge under the steps.  This area is usually pretty fragrant asit is where our old cat used to go to relieve himself when the ground was coveredwith snow.  The mud fortunately hadn't retained much odor since Aslan leftus last year in August for kitty heaven.  It was hanging in clumps andcompletely ground into the fur.  He had obviously rolled around init.  So, it was back into the bathtub and the whole process had to berepeated.  I was in such a hurry to get him into the tub that I didn'ttake time to change back into my bathing suit.  My clean tub got anotherlayer of dog fur supplemented with gritty mud and My jeans got soaked. To say Iwas unsympathetic as I rubbed and scrubbed my whimpering mud hound would be anunderstatement.  I vowed to go back to the self-Grooming shop, no matterthe state of my wallet, the next time I needed to bathe my guide dog. They have hair dryers, grooming tables and large sinks at convenientheights.  Best of all, when I am done, I can take off the rubber apron,turn in the tools and grooming products and leave the mess for someone else toclean up.  My lower back didn't appreciate stooping over a cowering dogfor three hours for the two combined baths. However, the mission was finallyaccomplished and he was transformed once again into a beautiful German ShepherdSeeing Eye Dog, clean, fragrant and minus much of his winter coat.



Curtis and I opened a fair trade gift shopin the historical district of Colorado Springs known as Old Colorado City. It kept us busy andgave us a good excuse to travel. Eventually we were selling hand-crafted itemsfrom over 35 countries. Although we never made much money, we enjoyed the workand the feeling of contributing to third world economics. We explored theavailable technology such as bar code scanners, programs to keep inventory andordering that operated with screen reading talking programs. I took classes tobecome more computer savvy. I was able to get some writing done and published. 



 



Our eldest daughter graduated from college,completed a master’s degree in criminal justice. Our youngest daughter wasraising three children on her own. We offered to help her get an AA degree tobecome a certified veterinary technician, a CVT. She joined us when herchildren were seven, five and three. We helped with childcare while she workedand attended classes. 



 



Griffin displayed some new talents. He kept trackof three children and made sure that we always had all three with us beforestarting off. He was especially fond of the youngest girl, Amberlee. He wouldbring her one of his toys and gently place it in her hand to throw. He made herolder brother and sister chase him down and wrestle for the things he freelyoffered to his favorite child. . 



 



One day we took the children to an amusement park.My niece Samantha took Kassia’s three children to go through the haunted house.When Amberlee screamed, Griffintried to launch himself up over a chain link fence to rush to her rescue. 



 



I was preparing tacos for the family dinner oneevening.  Amberlee put down food for Griffin.Griffin couldbe a finicky eater.  He decided the taco meat I was frying smelled betterthan the Science Diet in his dish.  Amberlee sat on the floor holding thepan in her lap chanting, "Open the tunnel, here comes thetrain!"  She fed Griffina piece of kibble.



Nextto inter the tunnel was a kitty complete with meow.  Cows and variousother barn yard animals followed with the appropriate sound effects. Before long, she proudly reported, "Grandma, Griffin ate all his dinner!" Spoiled guide dog you say? Perhaps, it is interesting though how the smallpeople learn their parenting skills by example.  Amberlee was a finickyeater too. As in most family interactions, there are more smiles than teethgrindings in being a grandparent who is called upon to help raise theirgrandchildren. This is especially true for a blind grandparent, who can’taccess the school pictures and seldom gets to see grandchildren who livehalfway across the country.   



 



When Kassia graduated with her degree, she wasflown to Columbia Missourito interview for a position at the University of Missouri. She wasoffered a full benefit package which included health insurance for herself andthe children. Although the pay was slightly lower than what she was earning inColorado, the money for continuing education and half tuition for her childrenif they wished to attend the University, made up for the difference. The onlyhitch was that she would need night and weekend childcare. They wanted her totrain in anesthesiology and be on call some nights and weekends. She asked usto come to Missourias her backup team. When your family needs you, you go.



 



Once we arrived, we decided that only one of usneeded to be the designated grandparent. We needed more than Kassia’s salary ifwe were going to buy a house, land etc. to give the children the sameopportunities to have pets and a rural childhood that we gave our own children.



 



I got hired at an independent living center as ahalf-time legislative liaison and half-time independent living specialist. Myprevious work for the American Council of the Blind gave me experience inworking at both the state and local level. I had hoped Griffin would be able to work for at leastsix months before retiring at age ten and a half. Unfortunately, he developedsome sort of liver problem and went downhill rapidly. Six weeks after I gothired, his liver values bottomed out. The vet said he might last an additionalcouple of weeks, but death was inevitable. Even on his last day, he wanted towork. I took him to the office with me and he tried to lead by leash guidingeven though he was weak and unsteady on his feet. I wrote the following poemfor him after he crossed the rainbow bridge. We planted a tree over his asheson the five acre farm we bought.  



 



Don'tLook Back



 



Yourstrength is failing,



Yourpace is slower,



Youcome wearily to your feet when I call.



Yourglorious coat,



Hideshow thin you are.



Fromeveryone else but me as I stroke you. 



 



Stillyou come to me,



Readyand willing.



Tellingme you want to guide if I need you.



Youtry to comfort,



Toend my sorrow,



Placeyour loving head on my knee as I cry.



 



You'dstay if you could,



ButI won't ask it.



Thetime has come for you to go on alone.



Aplace waits for you 



Wherethere is no pain.



Whereyou won't have to struggle to carry on.



 



Whereyou can run free,



Orrest as you will.



Itis time for you to go there without me.



Don'tpause to look back,



Don'tfeel you need stay.



Justrun on ahead to scout the way for me.



 



Iwill look for you,



Whenit is my turn,



Takemy love and my thanks for the walk we shared.



Gonow don't look back.



You'resuch a good boy.



I'llbe okay even if I am crying.



I had teers in my eyes as I  read this poem.



  



Griffin taught me that we can get better resultsfrom others if we are willing to give them credit for theiraccomplishments.  A thank you well timed makes the day brighter for both theone giving the thanks and the one receiving it. Griffin was the only one of my dogs to die inharness. He loyally guided me until the day he died.




 


Cleora



This was fun to read. 




 


There are a few technical problems  in the content that are easily corrected, ifthey need correction.  




 


This story would make a good video  game




 


. I  thinkSitting should look like Daisey Duck and the cricket like Jiminey Cricket. 




 


Two brownish-redfoxes stood on the walkway running beside the river flowing under the castlewall.




 


“There is nothingthere,” insisted the female. “This castle is abandoned. There hasn't beenanything or anyone here for two days.”




 


“Yes there is,”argued the male. “I can smell it.”




 


“Do you seeanything?”




 


“No, but it'sthere. I can smell it.”




 


Sitting awokeinstinctively alert to danger. Jerking her head forward, she found herselfstaring into piercing, beady black, eyes as her bill collided with the malefox's nose. The force propelled her backward in the water as the fox's teethclosed on empty air. 



“Quack!” Turning,she began paddling away from the fox as fast as she could.




 


Grasshopper,stunned by hitting and knocking down the windshield of the carrier, shook hishead trying to orient himself. “What's going on?”




 


“Fox,” saidSitting.




 


Grasshopperlooked out the front of the carrier. “What fox?”




 


Sitting cranedher head around to look behind her.




 


“Oh, that fox,”said Grasshopper.




 


“You were right,”said the female fox.




 


“I told you,”said the male.




 


Sitting andGrasshopper heard two splashes behind them.




 


“We're visible,”said Sitting, seeing her reflection in the water.




 


SlowlyGrasshopper's head began to clear. He saw the windshield was down. Tilting hishead bac, he saw that the visor was turned outward, and one side was hangingdown. He thought it might come off completely if he tried to move it.




 


The foxes werealmost upon them when Sitting reached the castle wall and ducked under it. Shelooked around frantically. The river ran beside a large throne room. They werejust behind an ivory colored throne. Beyond that, about 200 yards away was astair case running up to a second floor similar to the one in the castle at“The Crystal Pond.”



Splashing behindthem let them know the foxes had also come under the wall.




 


“Quack,"squawked Sitting as she spread her wings to fly. “My wings are sore from allthe flying, yesterday.”



She felt abackward tug as she heard sharp teeth clamp shut behind her.



Ignoring thesoreness in her wings, she flapped hard to lift her and Grasshopper into theair leaving a disappointed fox with a mouth full of feathers. 



Her heart waspounding. Her tail stung where the feathers had been pulled out, and She wasflying a little to the left. She veered right just in time to land at the topof the stairs.



The foxes hadreached the stairs and were bounding up them two at a time.



Suddenly shethought of grasshopper. “Grasshopper! Grasshopper! Are you there? Answer me.”



One thing that bothers me is that aduck canoutswwim a fox by far any day. 




 


So why was Sitting in a tither about a foxswimming after her?  




 


Also, shoulddn’t she and/or the cricket see thefox in the first place?




 



 


“I'm here,” hesaid weekly. “Whew. Am I ever glad I stayed in the carrier.”




 


Hoping thiscastle was laid out the same way hers was, she ran down the hall and squeezedthrough a partially open door.



The foxes wereright behind them.



Conversely, once they got up on dry land, the fox could have snatched the duck upwithout effort. 




 


Didn’t you ever listen to ‘Peter and the Wolf?’ 




 


At leasst she had the sense to take off.




 


Grasshopper pokedhis head out and started looking around the big room they were in. “There's atable over there.” 




 


Sitting made theshort flight and landed neatly behind a pile of scrolls and a crystal ballsitting on the table.




 


The male foxbarked and snarled as he struggled to open the door enough to come through.



So now she’s got herself cornered. Not much of atactitian.




 


Seeing thecrystal ball, she remembered that Dark Merlin said something about theequipment being smart. “Door, close,” she commanded.



Hearing panickedyelping, they peered around the pile of scrolls in time to see the heavy doorclose just as the fox managed to pull himself out of the doorway.



“Well, that wasconvenient,” said Sitting.




 


“Yep,” saidGrasshopper.




 


“Why are wevisible?” asked Sitting.




 


Grasshopperexplained about the visor. “I'm afraid it will break off completely if I try tolower it.”




 


“We're safe fornow, but how are we going to get out of here.” said Sitting. “I don't think weshould try to go out the way we came.”




 


“Agreed. Maybe Wecan go out that window,” said Grasshopper.




 


Sitting lookedacross the room. Sure enough, there was a shuttered window on the other sidejust like the one in her own castle command center. “I guess all the castlesare about the same.”




 


“Looks that way.”




 


Sitting's heartrate was returning to normal. “Do you think the visor still works? Assuming youcan get it to snap in place?"




 


“I don't know,”said Grasshopper, looking intently at the visor. “If I try to move it back, I'mafraid it will break off.”




 


“What about thewindshield?”




 


He reached outwith a front leg and pulled it upright. “It seems ok.” Then, he extended hisantennae and pulled gently on the side of the visor that was still attached. Atfirst it seemed to be moving ok. He continued to pull. The bottom edge of theundamaged side snapped into place on the windshield, but the other side washanging below the top edge of the windshield.



He should be using his legs only. 




 


He has 6 of them. 




 


His antennae have no strength. They are only thereto feel.




 


“Are weinvisible?” he asked.




 


Sitting lookedaround for anything that would show a reflection. She walked over to thecrystal ball and looked into it. Half of her was invisible, but the other halffrom where her neck attached to her body shimmered and blinked on and off.



Was it her bottom or top half that blinked on andoff?




 


Using hismandibles, Grasshopper tugged on the visor until he was able to raise the lowside up to its proper place on the windshield. At last it snapped into placeand Sitting disappeared completely.



“There,” he saidwith satisfaction. 




 


Sitting began tolook around at the stuff on the table. “The fox said this castle had beenabandoned. I wonder what happened to the ruler.”



“Crystal Ball,What province is this?” she asked.




 


“This is the province of Aeosilof the Kingdom of Hades Legions formerly ofRealms United (5:35),” said the crystal ball.




 


“What do youmean, former?”




 


“Provinces thatare not happy in the kingdom they are in may defect to another kingdom. Aeosildefected from Realms United (5:35).” 




 


“I see a numberafter the kingdom name sometimes. What does it mean?”




 


“In this case,the 5 means he was in the kingdom Realms United. The 35 means he was on island35.”




 


“What island arewe on?”




 


“We are on island48. Kingdom Hades Legions is number one on the island.”




 


“What aboutSilent Enigma?”




 


“Silent Enigma iskingdom 8 on island 49.”




 


Sitting stared atthe Crystal Ball uncertain what to think. She didn't understand any of this.With each new bit of information she felt more confused. “How many islands arethere?”




 


“One-hundred.”




 


“What are allthese scrolls?”




 


“The rulercollected kingdom news.”




 


“The foxes saidthis kingdom doesn't have a ruler.”




 


“It is true theruler has not been seen for two days.”




 


“I wonder ifthere is anything to eat around here,” said Grasshopper.




 


“What?” askedSitting.




 


“Eat. Food.Something to fill the ...”




 


“I know what foodis,” snapped Sitting. Then immediately, “I'm sorry. It's just that all of thisis so confusing. We watched a battle between a province from Heavenly Legendsand Silent Enigma followed immediately by a battle with an army from some otherkingdom. 



Now I find out weare on an island, and a province from another island and kingdom joined thiskingdom. How is that possible? How can a ruler just pick up his province andmove it to another place?”




 


Grasshopper saidnothing.




 


Sitting stoodstaring at the pile of scrolls. “Crystal Ball, can you tell me what is in thesescrolls?”




 


“I can answerspecific questions.”




 


After severalminutes Sitting breathed in and let out a long, slow sigh unable to think ofanything specific to ask. “Do you suppose the foxes have left?” she asked.




 


“I hope so,” saidGrasshopper. “I'm hungry.”




 


Sitting hoppeddown from the table and waddled over to the door. She placed the side of herhead against it and listened intently.



“I don't hearanything,” she said.



She knocked onthe door with her bill, and listened again.



“I think they mayhave left.”



“Door, is thereanyone on the other side?” said Sitting.



Nothing happened.




 


“We could trygoing out the window,” said Grasshopper.




 


“Yes.” She lookedin the direction of the window. “But I’d like to look at those scrolls after wefind something to eat.”




 


“We could tryopening the door a little,” said Grasshopper.




 


“Door, openenough for me to see out,” said Sitting.



The handle turnedand the door opened a small amount. Sitting and Grasshopper peered through thecrack. No one was there.



“What if they arejust down the hall, or at the bottom of the stairs waiting for us?” askedSitting.




 


“I could hop offand go check,” offered Grasshopper. “I don't think foxes would try to eat me.”



I think he might be wrong.




 


“Okay,” saidSitting.




 


“Uh-Oh. I wish Ihad thought of that before I pulled the visor down.” Grasshopper used hismandibles to gently unsnap the visor while he tried to hold it steady with hisantennae. There was a crackle followed by the sound of the visor tearing therest of the way off the top of the carrier. The visor fell, landing on thefloor outside the door.




 


“Somehow I thinkthat was a bad thing,” said Sitting.




 


“Yep,” saidGrasshopper.




 


“Doesn't anythingever go right in this infernal place? Honestly, I can't wait to get out ofhere. Wherever here is, that is.”




 


Grasshopperhopped down and looked closely at the broken visor. “I might could tuck it inthe carrier. Maybe we can find a way to reattach it.”




 


“Forget it. Ijust want to get out of here.”




 


“It won't hurt totake it with us.”




 


“Oh, alright.”Sitting lowered her head and Grasshopper pushed the visor up her bill, onto herhead, and into the carrier. He pushed it as far back as he could, then crawledback into the carrier.



I thought the duck could see when the visor wasdown. 




 


If so, why is she so willing to give that up and forgetabout the visor?




 


“I thought youwere going to see if the coast is clear,” said Sitting.




 


“Oh, right,” saidGrasshopper.



Grasshopperhopped up on the guard rail that ran along the hallway. Then, he ran along therail toward the stairs where another hall ran perpendicular to the hall thatled to the command center. He looked down the hallway and the stairs. “Looksclear,” he said. “I think they left.”



Sitting joinedhim at the top of the stairs. Grasshopper got back in the carrier, and theystarted down to the courtyard.



As they nearedthe bottom, a snarling fox came out from behind the throne, his yellow teethbared, and a hungry glint in his eye.




 


“Come to dinner,”said the fox.




 


“No, thank you,”said Sitting. she whirled around, and started running back up the stairs. Then,she saw the other fox standing in front of the door to the command center.



Sitting liftedoff just as the foxes were closing in. She flew to the left and landed on adragon head mounted on the wall of the courtyard.



The fox ran overand stood below the dragon head. 



“You can't staythere forever,” said the mail fox.



There was a loudcrack followed by the dragon head breaking loose from the wall and fallingstraight down.



Sitting spreadher wings, and with a flap soared up over the fox. She could see that thesecond story hall met another hall running to the right. There was another opendoor. She headed for it. Inside the room, she landed and commanded the door toclose.



In a few minutes,they heard an unhappy pair of frustrated foxes scratching at the door, andmaking a long wavering screech like someone being brutally murdered.



Sitting stoodtrembling at the far wall of the dark room. 




 


“There doesn'tseem to be a window in this room,” said Grasshopper.




 


“Maybe it is justshuttered,” said Sitting.




 


“I don't thinkso. Even a shutter would let in a little light.”




 


Sitting breathedin sharply and sneezed.




 


Fortunately,Grasshopper was only thrust halfway out of the carrier. He crawled back inside,and pulled up the windshield. “When we find someone to fix the visor, I'm goingto ask them to install a shoulder strap.” he said irritably. "What causedthat?”




 


“I don't know.I'm smelling something. It tickles my nose,” she said, sneezing again.



Ducks don’t have noses.




 


The room wasfilled with boxes. The boxes were as long and wide as half of Sittings width ifshe stretched her wings out completely. They were as high as they were wide.Best they could determine, all the boxes were the same size. Some were stackedon top of others.



Exploring, theyfound there was enough room to walk between some of them.




 


“I wonder if Ican get on top of one of these stacks?” said Sitting.




 


The screechingand scratching outside the door was deafening.



Suddenly, theyheard a yelp of pain from the other side of the door. There was a soft thud,then the sound of clawed feet slipping and sliding in a frantic effort to runaway. Then all was silent.



They waited.




 


“Door, open,”came a command from outside.




 


The heavy doorswung open. There in the doorway, stood a tall stranger carrying a bow with anarrow knocked and ready to fire. Its point was aimed straight at Sitting. Athis feet lay a dead fox.



to be continued



Martia 



The epicurialmetaphors  are intense.   



Just  about all thesenses are represented.



HOw many pounds did you gain on this walk?



Yummy Winter Walk



Marcia J. Wick, The Write Sisters



January 2019



Word Count:  233



 



 



 



Despite the biting cold, I hunger for a winter walk. Ilayer long johns under fuzzy fleece, and pull a hat with ear flaps over my saltand pepper hair. I slip protective booties on the precious paws of my guidedog, then I wrap my furry yellow lab in a reflective lemon jacket. She flapsher ears and pokes her anxious head through the harness. We venture into thechilly air for a mouth-watering adventure - I gulp at the ice cream delight. 



I am  not sure ‘gulp’ is the best word. It has agasping connotation.



 



The trekkers stretched over my boots provide sure footingas my guide leads me onto the sidewalk buried beneath a blanket of crispy meringue. Fence rails like Popsicle sticks line our way. Glittering ribbons of icingoutline bare trees creating a chocolate and vanilla  marble maze. 



My guide dog halts at the curb to survey a slushystreet crossing; she gingerly picks our path through gooey gelatin. Dollops ofmarshmallow cream top evergreen hedges and passing cars. Pine needles shimmerin glaze. Yards are iced and decorated with sprinkles like cookies. Wind stirsthe winter scene, lifting puffs of powdered sugar off the roof tops. The cloudlesssky, like baby blue frosting, caps the frozen treat. As we blast through thesunshine and shadows, a branch weighed down with mounds of cocoanut slaps me inthe face like a pie. I blink and lick my lips, savoring the sweetness.



Salley 



 



___________




 



 



 

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