[Critique Group 1] Leonard's comments re: Cleora's piece

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

I enjoyed the first part ofeh homecoming, but when it came to the discussion with the crystalball, I waslost.  However, by goingback over it, itbecame basically clear.  There are toomany details in the technical operation of the crystal ball.  When star treck or other successful sciencefiction production deals with technical stuff, they never go very much into the details.  Their motto seems to be, Keep it simple,Stupid. That’s a good plan.




 


Home



Sitting hopped off the griffin’s back. Spreading her wings, she glidedsafely to the ground. The griffin lowered and turned its head to look intoSitting’s eyes. She touched its beak gently with the tip of her bill. “Thankyou, my friend,” she said. It nodded, then turning and walking a short distanceaway, it spread its powerful wings and with a final backward glance, leapedinto the air. Sitting watched until it was out of sight. Dropping her gaze, shesurveyed her surroundings. 



I don’t recall Sittinggetting out of  her cage in captivity. Isurmise that she agreed to cooperate with her captors. Where isGrasshopper.  Why couldn’t she flyhrself?



The crystal pond glistened in the noonsun, but something seemed different. A harpy sat on a rock at the far edge ofthe pond. To the left of the pond, a sparse but green forest had almostcompletely replaced the charred remains that had been there when she flew awaywhat seemed like weeks ago. Walking over to the edge of the pond, she gazeddown into the water sweeping her head left to right searching for the queen fish.“Where is the queen fish?” she asked, looking up at the harpy. 




 


“I was the queen fish,” said the Harpy. “Welcome home, my queen. I amFuchsia.” With that, she slid off the rock and dove deep into the waters of thepond.



A puzzled Sitting watched for a whilehoping she would come back up. A rustle of leaves drew her attention to theforest. Several magnificent griffins stepped out into the open. One, apparentlythe leader, stepped forward, and lowering his head, bowed deeply. “Welcomeback, my queen,” he said. 



Sittings eyes widened, and her bill gaped. “Who are you?” she stammered.



“We are the former katydids,” he said. I am Caster.” We are ready at yourcommand, my queen.”




 


‘So, this is what Dread Demon had meant,’ she thought.’ He had said thatnow that she had committed to take command and see Hades Legions through thiswar, her army would appear and her subjects would take on the proper form forher province.’



Why do you say, She thoughthe said,”? Wasn’t she there when he said it. Instead of saying ‘thought’,wouldn’t , ‘she thought she remembered him say,’ work better? 



“Thank you,” she said. Then turned toward the castle. Marching straightthrough, she peeked out the back door. The ant hill was gone. In its placestood a barracks with a young man in peasants clothing leading against the doorjamb with his arms crossed. 



“queen ant, I presume?” 



Straightening, He bowed low. “At your service, my queen. I am Anthonee.”



Sitting turned and stepped back into the castle. Welcome home, my queen,”said a tall fellow in a long robe and pointed hat. Several similarly dressedhumanoid beings stood behind him. They all inclined their heads respectfully.



“The fireflies?” she asked.



I am  enjoying these character transformations.



“At your service,” said the lead wizard. “I am Fire Light.”



Were fireflys wizardsbefore?



Sitting nodded her head. “Thank you,” she said. Spreading her wings, sheflew up to the second level and landed in front of the door to her commandcenter. A very large, impressive, and handsome (if she did think so herself)drake stood on guard beside the door



I’m not sure , if she did think soherself really fits in this context. That phrase usually means that the speakeris talking of something that is a favorable characterstic or achievement  they take credit for..



“Welcome home, my liege,” he said.



“ Queen bee?” 



Why were all thesecharacters queens in the past? Were they all in drag originally?



He nodded. “I am Driver. I have the news for the province since you werelast here whenever you are ready.”



Excellent, she said. “I’ll need a little while to get settled in, and thenI want to meet with all the rulers in my conference room.”



He bowed his head, “I’ll see to it immediately, my liege.” 



“Door open,” she commanded. The door opened and she walked into her commandcenter. ‘Well, I guess its official,’ she thought, her gaze taking in the room.



‘Looks that way,’ grasshopper thought back.



I think you should havemetntioned that Grasshopper was with her before now. I was wondering whathappened to him or her.



‘Do you ever have the feeling you have absolutely no idea what you’redoing?’



“Never,’ thought grasshopper, and immediately, the thought quivered inSittings mind, indicating he was lying.



She made a sound almost like a chirp or bark, but the air came from deepwithin her throat making it sound more like a squeak.



“Are you laughing at me?” said grasshopper.



“Who, me? Never.” she said, and squeaked again.



Sitting walked over to her command chair, flapped her wings, and with alittle hop, landed in the seat. The red message light on the crystal ball wasflashing.



“Get messages,” she said.



“You have 15 new messages waiting.”



“Read them starting with the most recent.”



“On May 10, YR2 at 4:10 we received this note...To The Honorable LadySitting Duck



You have seen what happened to the previous monarchs. I’m instructing mywizards to cast hail, storms, and drought on your province. Surrender nowbefore you are destroyed like your predecessors.




 


Signed, Sir Fly the Rogue of Farius in the kingdom of Silent Enigma“



“Read the next one.”



“On May 10, YR2 at 4:00 we received this note...



To The Honorable Lady Sitting Duck



Are you there?



Signed, Sir Fly the Rogue of Farius in the kingdom of Silent Enigma“



“Why would he ask that?” asked Sitting.



“He wanted to establish a live conversation,” said the Crystal Ball.



Sitting was puzzled. A live conversation? Sitting thought for a moment.“Isn’t Sir Fly the same ruler that sent me a message shortly after I becamemonarch?”



“Yes,” said the Crystal Ball. “Would you like me to read that messageagain?”



“Yes.”



“On May 1, YR2 at 4:00 we received this note...



To The Honorable Lady Sitting Duck



A Queen after 2 kings?



It looks like your kingdom doesn’t know what to do.... As you might havenoticed, we’re even getting bigger than you, and the war meter hardlychanges....



What is a war meeter?



I’ll give you some advice as a former king: Hit that surrender button! It’sbetter for your health, and that of your kingdom!



Signed, Sir Fly the Rogue of Farius in the kingdom of Silent Enigma“



“Hmm,” said Sitting. ‘That was nine days ago,’ she thought.



“Do you have a reply?” prompted the crystal ball.



Sitting ignored the question. She was peering at the other table. She wassure something had changed since the last time she was in the command center.“Grasshopper, does the globe look different to you?”



The other table came into clearer focus as grasshopper turned his attentionto it. “Yes, I don’t see the globe anymore.



Sitting hopped down from the command chair, and repositioned herself in frontof a pedestal standing where the globe used to be. On the front of the platformwas the names of 21 provinces. She recognized some of them. There was TheCrystal Pond, The Dark Legion (Dark Merlin’s province), Hollow Dogs (Sir DogBreath’s province), The Flatulent Legion (Sir Regis



s province), Legacy Of Dragons (Sir Dragon’s province), and several shedidn’t recognize. Beside each name was her name, the words “no vote”, or thename of someone else. A few showed a vote for Dragon. Others showed what mighthave been the monarch before Dragon. The words “no vote” appeared beside hername. At the bottom of the list, appeared the number 21, and the words, “Thiskingdom has no monarch. To be monarch, you must have a majority of the votescast.” She showed to have 5 votes. The same number as Sir Dragon. “No vote”showed beside her name. In all the confusion before she flew away, she hadnever cast her vote. “how do I cast my vote?” she asked.



I’m confused about the vote thing. Who are the voters and what are theyvoting for?



 




 


A window with a list of the province ruler’s names opened up beside thename of her province. She touched her name with the tip of her right flightfeather. The window closed and her name appeared beside The Crystal Pond. Thelist now showed six votes for her and five for Sir Dragon. The globe reappearedabove the pedestal. The carrier on her head lif




 


and the strap extended slightly as a tiara appeared under it. 



What is a strap in thiscontexct?



 At the bottom of the list, appeared the number 21, and the words, Youare the kingdoms monarch.” She showed to have six votes, and Sir Dragon stillshowed five. Below that, was a row of lights. The surrender light glowed brightred and the peace light altered between white and light blue.



How do you withdraw a peace offer,” she asked 



I’m befuddled about how allthis  voting works and what is beingvoted for. 



“A flashing light is an option that is pending. You touch the light, andtell the globe what you want to do,” said the crystal ball.




 


Sitting reached out and touched the peace light.



“Do you want to withdraw the peace offer to Silent Enigma?” asked amechanical voice.



When was a peace offeringmade?



“Yes,” said Sitting.



The light began to flicker. “Touch the light again to confirm that you wishto withdraw the peace offer to Silent Enigma.”



Sitting touched the light again. It flickered for half a second longer, andwent out.



“The peace offer to Silent Enigma has been withdrawn.”



Sitting sat down in front of the globe her heart pounding. She felt faint.She could hear her blood rushing through her ears. 



‘What have I done?’ she thought.




 


‘Jumped up,’ thought Grasshopper back



What does that mean?. 



‘A stupid thing?’ thought Sitting back, not at all feeling confident.



“Maybe,” said Grasshopper.



“Yep.”



She returned to her command chair, and directed the crystal ball to readthe rest of the messages. Most of them were from different rulers trying tofind out where she was. She sent a brief response to each letting them know shewas back, and inviting them to join her in her conference room as soon aspossible.



A ding sounded from the crystal ball indicating a new message had arrived.




 


 




 


To be continued...




 

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