[Critique Group 1] cleora's notes from July critique

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

Sorry I'm just now sending these. The last few weeks have been packed. 
I don't find notes from you, Leonard. I don't know if I lost them or what. Leonard could you send me your notes from July?

[comments for Sally
It speaks about the parallel between to families.
One confused and uncertain. The other anxious and hopeful.
One ending in tragedy and giving. The other relieved and receiving.
I had to go back and reread to follow the transition from the first family to the second.
Then, when I read it again, I realized it is talking about the other family from the start.

[comments for Deanna
I like the subtle humor at the beginning.
Curious the boy didn't alert her that he was there before she sat in his lap.
It's not clear which girl has the baby brother.
I'm not sure I would have followed the submission to the professor if I didn't already know something about this story.
There needs to be better transition between the different scenes.
The submission is flat, but I think you meant it to be that way for D  to make her point to the professor.
The professor was trying to get her to dig down and express her deepest feelings in a way to make the reader feel them.
Maybe this really is something that should be done.
Thinking about Leonard's writing for healing group.
But, I don't think it should be up to someone else to decide when that should happen.
The professor misses this point in his selfish desire to get one of his students to write a best seller.

[comments for Leonard
I love it.
Maybe rabbit will also be plumper in the winter.
Speaks to how all of us are lucky to be alive following some stupid stunts in youth.
Good piece for children to learn to not be over confident.

[comments for Marsha
I was confused at first as to whether Mom was the human foster or the cat mother.
from the start I thought the cat was a male.
It reads like a list of facts. 
I don't feel any emotion except for a little at the break in.
I wanted to fall in love with the cat, and feel sympathy for the sad lady.