[Critique Group 1] Critiques 7-31-2019

[Deanna Noriega]

Sally,

Two Vigils

(Time warp and uncertainty) Consider Time warp of uncertainty.

(Family members, as one, crane necks) Perhaps A family cranes their necks in
unison.

(As swinging doors open and)

Perhaps just Swinging doors open,

They strain to hear (awaited news)

Perhaps revelations,

The word (small is not necessary.

This poem is poignant with tension and sorrow. It is grace ending with a
noet of sadness.

 

Leonard,

You Looking At Me?

This could as easily have been a conversation between our arthritic German
Shepherd and a squirrel.

Though I think for our old dog is to chase rather than to catch.

Domestic dogs aren't generally hungry enough to try that hard.

Now, cats are a different story. This is a good example of light humor with
a twist. Clever.

 

Marcia 

The Ugly Barn Cat Part II.

(bath towels should be changed to gray towels so that you don't use the word
(Bath) twice in the same sentence. I peaked should be peeked.

Ok, so now how does the story end?

 

Cleora

Part 13

According to intelligence, a duck had (wondered) onto the province) should
be wandered.

You have Halla Suyop of Silent invaded 3. (3 what?)

You have Sworn to Neutralize Enigma  sending an aid shipment to the Crystal
Pond twice in the list of aid sent.

(Teran hadn't been active in any way he knew of) Perhaps: involved, that he
knew. 

(Hades Legion were berryactive. Were certainly busy.

(His mind began thinking.) Perhaps He began thinking. What else would he be
thinking with if not his mind? 

You did succeed in mpoving the story a bit further. 

  

 

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