[Critique Group 1] Leonard's coments on Cleor'as submission

Tue Apr 30 09:20:45 EDT 2019

I  reallyhave few questions. 

I love this chapter. 

It  hassuspense  and emotion. 

The parragraph and sentence structures aregood.  

I want to read more. 

the same tableand behind her, stood a globe like the one in her command center at The crystalPond. 

Seeing the globe,she realized this was the command center for a monarch. But, whose. It wasn'ther command center. The furnishings were different. She didn't have a poster onher wall. Hades Legions might have elected a new monarch. She had been gone acouple of days, after all. But, she didn't think so. The archer that had shother was no one she had ever seen before. The conversation between him andGrasshopper didn't sound like they came from Hades Legions. But, it wassomewhere Grasshopper was familiar with. It sure looked like Grasshopper waspart of The enemy, Silent Enigma. But, why had he helped her? He had gone alongwhen she wanted to put it all behind her and hid south. So, why had the archercaptured her. Why hadn't he just finished her off. 

She was stillpondering these questions when she heard voices. She quickly moved her headback to its original position, and closed her eyes as the door opened.

“I'm not sure,”Grasshopper was saying. “She was headed south out of the land. I think shewould have kept going if Stalker hadn't intercepted us.”

“I messaged theother rulers. We were able to retrieve most of the gold, food, and runes. Mythieves report that The Crystal Pond is in bad shape. The bees and locust aredoing the best they can without a resident ruler. I have sent messages to themonarch of Silent Enigma. I haven't gotten a reply. There's not really much wecan do before we see what she's going to do.”

“I know,” saidGrasshopper. 

After a pause, headded, “It looks like she's still out of it.” 

Sitting had heardenough. “You traitor,” she squawked. “I'll show you what she's going to do.”Sitting rose up, flapped her wings, and flew straight toward Grasshopper whowas sitting on the shoulder of a tall elf. 

Grasshopperjumped away as Sittings bill closed on empty space. He spread his wings andlanded on the floor behind his companion. Sitting slid down the front of theelf catching her claws in his coat as she went.

There is he eyesight issue again. How could shehave zeroed in on him like that?

Reacting quickly,he tried to catch her, but she flapped her wings in his face and pulled away. 

Landing on herfeet, she ran toward Grasshopper, bill open and ready for action. 

Grasshopperjumped away again just barely avoiding becoming a snack. A second jump landedhim on the table with the crystal ball.

Sitting, in hotpursuit turned to follow him, just as an open bag slipped over her head andsoon its owner had synched it up with her inside.

“Whew,” saidGrasshopper. “That was close.”

“That's strange,”said the elf, “I didn't expect that reaction.”

Sitting heardsome banging and scraping like things were being moved around, then, the bagwas turned upside down. She was dumped out into a cage large enough for her toturn around. She flapped her wings 

Would there have been enough space for her to flapher wings ?

and rose just intime to bang her head on the lid as it slammed down blocking her escape. Shehissed., Thrusting her head between the bars, she attempted to bite her captor’sfinger as he pushed the latch closed. She hissed at them, and threw herselfagain and again at the walls of the cage. They stood back from the table,watching as she tried to escape. Finally, seeing that she was trapped, shecalmed down and stood glaring out at them.

“Alright, youhave me. Now, what? And, if I ever get out of here, you are lunch you miserabletraitor,” she shouted at Grasshopper.

Grasshopperjumped over and landed in front of the cage maintaining a safe distance. “I'mnot a traitor,” he said. “This is our friend Dread Demon.”

“I know all aboutthat,” she said. “I wasn't out the whole time. I heard you plotting againstHades Legions. You are working for Silent Enigma. And, I heard you when youcame in. He is waiting for a reply from Silent Enigma.”

“I can explain,”said Grasshopper.

“No,Grasshopper,” said Dread Demon. “Let me explain.”

“I don't want tohear either of your lies,” shouted Sitting, turning her back on them.

She heardsomething like a part of the cage sliding up, then something sliding in, thenthe piece of cage sliding down. Then the same sounds repeated on the otherside. “Are you hungry?” asked Dread Demon.

Sitting restedher bill on the bottom of the cage. She wasn't going to give them thesatisfaction. She heard steppes walking away, and then the door opened andclosed.

She waited for along time, but heard nothing else. Slowly, she raised her head and lookedaround. She was alone in the room. Her cage was bright and shiny. Well, shethought, at least she rated a new one. She looked behind her. in each corner ofthe front of the cage was a small dish. The one on the left contained green,white, and peach pellets the size of Grasshopper's head. The other dishcontained water. Now that she thought about it, she was hungry. She reasonedwith herself. If they were going to kill her, they would have done it already.Eating didn't obligate her to cooperate. She turned around and dipped her billin the water. It felt cool and tasted sweet on her tongue. In a short period oftime, she had drank it all.

She looked at thepellets. She had never seen anything like that before. She sniffed of it. Itsmelled like cattails. She picked up one. It tasted like fish She tipped herhead back and swallowed it. “Not bad,” she said. She tried another one. Ittasted like some kind of green leafy vegetable. The peach ones tasted likeworms. It didn't take long to finish off the lot. Her hunger and thirstsatisfied, she laid her head back and thought about all that had happened. Whata fine mess she had gotten herself into.

The door openedand Dread Demon came in with Grasshopper on his shoulder.

He pulled thehigh back chair over in front of the table where Sitting was caged and satdown. Resting his elbows on the table and clasping his hands in front of hisface, he sat looking at her for a moment before saying, “Did you enjoy yourlunch?”

Sitting hissed athim.

“I'm sorry itwasn't fresh food,” he continued. “We don't get many ducks here, but we try tokeep something around for guests.”

Sitting stood andturned around in the cage, pointing her tail at him.

“I can understandwhy you would be upset. I'm afraid stalker is more of a warrior than adiplomat. He gets the job done, though.

Grasshopperhopped down to the table. “Oh, come on Sitting, how can you think I'm atraitor. Don't you know me better than that?”

Sitting stared atthe bottom of the cage. “I thought I did, but I know what I heard. I heard thetwo of you bragging about taking the supplies from the other castle, and how youhave almost finished off The Crystal Pond.”

“You have it allwrong,” said Dread Demon. 

“No I don't!”shouted Sitting, rising up and whipping around causing the cage to tilt alittle.

“How is yourwing?” asked Dread Demon.

Sitting rememberbeing shot, and that when she woke this time, there was no pain in her wing.She checked the spot where the arrow had penetrated. There was a small roundscar, but it was completely healed. She looked back at Dread demon.

In his hand wasthe carrier. The visor had been repaired. It looked good as new.

“I'd like to showyou some things if you will let me put this on you, and promise not to eatGrasshopper”

Sitting stared athim, but said nothing.

He got up, andwent to the door. Opening it, he motioned to someone to come in. It was thearcher that had shot her.

“This isstalker.”

Stalker bowedlow, “your majesty,” he said.

“He is mypersonal assistant. Something like your Queen Bee.” He stepped over to the doorand motioned again. The griffin stepped in. This is my captain of the guard.”The griffin bowed his head. Dread Demon turned to them, “Thank you.” Stalkerand the griffin backed out of the room and Stalker closed the door.

“I am the monarchof the kingdom Dread Lands. I have been monitoring the war between HadesLegions, and Silent Enigma. I have some information I think you will findinteresting if you are willing to stay as monarch of Hades Legions and helpthem fight that war. “

Grasshoppercrawled a little closer. “After all we've been through, don't I at leastdeserve a chance to tell my side?”

Sitting satstaring at them in silence for several minutes.

Finally, “Okay,”she said, pushing her head between the bars so Dread Demon could put thecarrier on her head. 

To be continued

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